


Sexuality

by blackgoldmentality



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Multi, Religious Guilt, Self-Discovery, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-19 16:47:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15514185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackgoldmentality/pseuds/blackgoldmentality
Summary: She was confused. She needed to know.





	1. Heterosexuality

**Author's Note:**

> This is my story, which I originally wrote on fanfiction.net (FFN) some years back, and am now uploading here as this is my new, primary fan-fiction account. So if you've seen it before and are worried about if this is plagiarism, please check the original FFN account which I've linked in my bio, to confirm that in this case it's not. I've of course edited the original format just a bit, to be more concise with my new work on here. The chapter notes included are also as they originally were.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the original _Naruto_ characters. I only own my interpretation and usage of this plot, and whatever miscellaneous characters I may add.
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to see how well I could take on topics that weren't very common. It's a test; to see my own growth and maturity as a writer, as well as a warm-up for a future project that also deals with a sensitive issue. This will be a short, five-chapter story that will be completed within the ~~month (of January)~~ week.

Heterosexuality — the most  _approved_  form of sexuality, in a way, given how people in society are now expected to be attracted to the opposite sex, because,  _"That was the way God made things to be."_

From birth, a little boy is expected to only care for a little girl, and a little girl is expected to only care for a little boy. It was the way their parents — a man and a woman — felt that things needed to be. As they watched their child grow older and interact with kids their age, their minds were already set on the fact that their child's soul mate would be a member of the opposite sex.

It was almost as if this fact were written in stone.

That was what her parents expected from her, she told herself as she looked across the classroom and her eyes landed on a male whose back was to her. She was  _supposed_  to like males — like that boy with the spiky hair.

And growing up, she believed that to be the case.

Yet, lately, she's been beginning to  _wonder_.

Her eyes moved about the classroom, until they landed on a set of females. They were attractive, and her eyes immediately landed on the one with red hair. Her back was to her, as well, and she's begun to stare at it  _a lot_ , lately.

She tapped her pencil against her wooden desk, and listened to the sound the metal made as it connected with the smooth and polished wood.

It was odd, she told herself, that she was staring at this girl so often. She was female, and she wasn't supposed to look at this girl in the way that she currently has. She should be staring intently at that spiky-haired  _boy_ , not this  _girl_ …

The bell rung and she stood from her seat. She collected all of her stuff into her bag and headed for the door.

The spiky-haired boy bumped into her on the way out, and she stared at him. His eyes were like pools of darkness that she wanted to swim in.  _That's what I should be thinking… right? This is what an attraction is, right?_

The red-haired girl soon joined him, and he wrapped his arm around her. It was clear that they were a couple — had been for about five years, now.

She stared at the subtle movement of the girl's hips as she walked down the hall in her boyfriend's embrace. Her eyes narrowed at this.  _I shouldn't be staring… it's_ _wrong_ _..._  She said to herself. Yet she couldn't tear her eyes away from the jeaned-behind. Her butt was so toned and tight.

It was no wonder she was considered attractive.

She shook her head, and looked at the couple as a whole; a male and a female.

That was how it was supposed to be.

.

.

She's had quite a few male crushes in her lifetime.

A loud blonde that was annoying.

A boy who raised a giant dog from the day it was a puppy.

A timid child with an unhealthy bug obsession (she wasn't sure why this one occurred).

The cousin of a friend of hers...

And now this boy — with the spiky hair and pools of black for eyes. He was an attractive male; just the sound of his last name made the knees of many females to go weak. His looks sealed the deal, though; having inherited the great genes of his family.

He was loved by many, but got claimed by the red-headed girl and was never let go of; nor will he ever be free for the taking.

So she had to hide her crush and snuff out the small flame that has been lit the moment she laid her eyes on him. She believed that this was the reason why she was staring at his girlfriend so often, now. If she couldn't have one, perhaps she could claim the other?

However, there were problems with that — the main being that the girl preferred males more than anything else in the world.

So she resorted to trying to gain the attention of the boy, once again — to make it how it's  _supposed_ to be. Because as she walked down the hallways of her school and made her way to the science lab on the fourth floor, she saw that the people in embraces similar to the one of the spiky-haired boy and red-headed girl, followed the pattern of male and female.

No male and male or female and female.

It was set in her mind that she had to find a way to be like that. To be  _normal_. She needed a male — but the only one she currently held any feelings for was the spiky-haired male.

 _I have no choice._  She thought as she entered her class and took a seat behind the happy couple.  _It's what mom and dad_ _want_ _._

.

.

Seduction was not her thing.

She had tried, once, to seduce a much older boy. He held red hair and was cold and distant and yet she believed that  _somehow_ , she could get a reaction from him. It had been a failure since her body was not mature, and even now she didn't have the curvy figure that the spiky-haired boy's girlfriend did, but she was more determined now to seduce a boy, than she had been three years ago.

Her timing couldn't have been more perfect; the spiky-haired boy's friend was throwing a party tonight, and all of the school had been invited.  _Especially_ her, since the boy once had a crush on her back when she was starting to notice males.

She had dressed in clothing that would make her stand-out a little, and hopefully attract the attention from other males. It wasn't too much, but it also wasn't too little. She made sure to accentuate the curve of her nicely-developed bottom, to draw boy's eyes away from what she lacked at the top.

Hopefully the attention she'd receive would later make her happier and more content with her decision.

Arriving at the party, she walked right in. The door was unlocked and open, and she was forced to squeeze through the dancing bodies of males and females; all the while searching for that familiar spiky hair.

For a moment she was distracted by a boy whom she did not recognize, wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing her in more.

He muttered dirty things into her ear; his breath saturated with the awful smell of alcohol. Yet she put up with it because she hoped that it would make her feel better about her plot. If other boys wanted to be with her, what was stopping the spiky-haired boy from wanting to be with her? She knew that the one whom she was currently dirty dancing with, had a girlfriend, as well; being as how he kept mentioning the girl's name. And while he was surely fully-dedicated to her, he was grinding his hips against her own as they followed the tempo of the music.

After a while, they left the dance floor and he took her up the stairs. It was clear what he wanted, with the way he pulled-out a condom from his back pocket.

They entered a room, and as he got his clothes off she stared at his body. It was lean and muscular, and certainly attracted many females. Yet she wasn't fully-committed to it. She didn't feel the 100% attraction that other girls surely felt.

 _Maybe because he's not the right one?_  She asked herself as he came-over to her and began to lift her shirt.  _I don't like him. Is that why I don't like his body?_

She stopped him when he was about to lift her shirt over her head, and said that she had to pee. He was a little upset, but stated that he would wait. She left the room and began to head down the hall, not feeling bad about lying to the male, at all. She stopped halfway to the staircase when she saw the spiky-haired boy and the red-haired girl walking towards her.

It was clear that they were both intoxicated.

The girl's cheeks were rosy, and the boy had a hand on his forehead as if he held a headache. He smirked as they found an empty room, and pushed her inside.

She frowned at this.

Now what?

How was she supposed to seduce him now when he was with his girlfriend?

She huffed a breath.

Perhaps… she should go back to the male whom she had just left, and see if she can become attracted to him, instead? She was close to doing this when she saw the door open, again. The red-head stepped-out; her dress half-way off her body, and she mumbled something about wanting to pee, first.

She saw this as her opportunity.

She rushed to the bathroom door and opened it. She locked it and then held it open for the redhead. When the beautiful girl entered, she shut the door. The girl inside began to pound — clearly too drunk to use common sense on how to escape.

Ignoring the hits against the wood, she walked-back to the empty room. Her heart pounded in her chest as she stood in front of the door; literally just moments away from—

She pushed back the nerves, and entered. It was dark, but the boy's voice in her ears told her that this was to her advantage.

He didn't know that it was her.

She climbed into bed, and he found her body. He removed her clothing and she could feel her skin light on fire as he touched her. She shivered when he ran his masterful tongue along her collarbone, and worked his way down.

He teased her in a way that she fell in love with, and assured her that  _this_  was how things were meant to be, and how she wanted to be like.

When he finally entered her, her world spun.

He was an animal. And he made her feel… happy.

.

.

But despite all that, something was missing, she found as she lay against the bed during the aftermath. He was fast asleep and her legs were sticky with their mixed fluids. Despite how he made her feel during it, there was no feeling of satisfaction after.

Something was still  _off_.

And she didn't know  _what_.

.

.

Sighing, she got out of the bed, dressed herself, and left the room. She called a cab using her cell-phone on her way down the stairs, and reached into her pocket to get the necessary money. Thankfully, she had enough.

A few minutes later, inside the cab, she continued to mull-over the failure that she had just experienced.

She did what her parents expected of her — to be with a male. Yet it didn't feel right afterwards. As much as she wanted to feel as if  _this_  was it —  _this_  was how she would spend the rest of her life — it wasn't.

 _Something's wrong._  She told herself as she watched the light of the streetlamps go by.  _Why don't I feel happy? I should be, shouldn't I? After all, when mom and dad do this, they_ _always_ _look happy — but why don't I? Why aren't_ _I_ _happy? Is it because… he's not_ _the one_ _?_

Leaning her head against the window of the cab, she exhaled. Despite the warm feeling in her stomach, she didn't feel content with everything that had gone-on.

In fact… she found it somewhat bland.

The male's body was chiseled by God himself, surely it had to be, yet it didn't satisfy her. She found herself craving for something  _else_. A different form.

The redhead's body appeared in her mind.

The lovely curves, the soft-looking skin, and the way that it moved so smoothly and like water. It was definitely an attractive sight, and she found herself itching to touch it.

That was it… wasn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Homosexuality.


	2. Homosexuality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters today because I spent all of yesterday debating whether or not I should put all of my "good" content on here.

She was in my ballet class.

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, after school, she and I would take the same bus into the city and head to the dance studio. Despite always having sat next to her, I never mustered the nerve to say a word, but just stared at her.

I stared at her and her pretty red hair, black-framed glasses, and pretty red eyes. She was a beautiful girl, no doubt, and she had the attention of many males.

Yet there was a rumor going around school that she liked females, as well — however, this was due to an  _incident_  at a friend's sleepover party, over a game of  _Truth or Dare_. So whether this was true or not, I didn't know.

But I knew one thing:  _I wanted to touch her_.

.

.

They broke-up the next day.

In the middle of the cafeteria, where everyone could see, the spiky-haired boy and red-haired girl had a blowout. And it was my fault. She had learned that he slept with another girl at the party — most likely the same girl whom had locked her in the bathroom, she said to him.

But despite his attempts at convincing her that he was still faithful ( _"It was a mistake — I swear!"_ ) it was a fail and she broke-off the relationship. The cafeteria was silent as she left the area.

She passed by me, and I noticed the tears in her eyes.

As she left the cafeteria, I waited a few moments before getting-up from where I had been seated with my friends, and following her. Now was my chance. I can console her at her weakest, and start to build a bridge between the two of us.

.

.

She looked a mess, and tried to get me to leave, but I refused. I was kind to her, and offered her help in perfecting her appearance once more, and trying to heal her aching heart, by offering her words of comfort.

In time, she began to get used to my presence and accepted my help. When I was brushing her silky soft hair back into a ponytail, I couldn't help but love the scent of apples that came-off of it. It was as I was wrapping the band around the locks, that she noticed me.

" _You're in my ballet class."_

My heart pounded — a door of communication was open…

" _Yeah…"_

.

.

We headed back to class together, and she continued to talk about how she couldn't believe her boyfriend had cheated on her. I was amazed that she was so open. But then again, I had never posed a threat to her, and she  _was_  at her weakest.

All of her friends had not been able to console her, and she was desperate for human comfort now that she had no boyfriend. Thankfully, I saw this and was able to sneak into her life.

I went to take my seat in class, and she grabbed my hand and pulled me away from a friend of mine. She made me sit next to her; in the spot where her now ex-boyfriend would've sat. I was astounded by this, and so were the other patrons of the class. But inside, I knew that this made me happy.

The look her now ex-boyfriend gave me as he spotted me, made me happy.

He was already replaced.

.

.

We spent the day together. She kept me close to the point where she would hold my hand as we walked down the hall. Her skin was soft, and the contact was exactly what my body had begun to crave.

It was becoming clear to me that  _this_  was what my body truly wanted — what it craved.  _This_ was the missing link in my life.

This girl...

This apple-scented, red-headed,  _beautiful_  girl!

It was wrong, something in my mind whispered to me, the emotions that I held for this girl. Yet a newly-discovered part of me said that it was  _right_. I was  _meant_ to be with this girl, like this: at her side, with her every second of the day.

When we had to separate, she told me to meet her at her locker, so we could walk to the next class, together. I nodded my head, and told her that I would. Then I entered my history class, and was stared-down by the spiky-haired boy.

He didn't like being replaced.

But I couldn't find it in myself to care.

In fact, I was so fearless that I took the  _bold_ action of sitting beside him.

" _Excuse you."_

" _Don't worry — I don't mind sitting here."_

He would've surely moved had the teacher not walked-in, and began to teach. The entire time, I could feel his glare on the back of my neck. His intense gaze reminded me of the night before. While it had been dark in that room, I could still  _feel_  it whenever he had looked at me.

My skin was heating.

I breathed from my mouth to keep my rapidly-beating heart steady, and paid no attention to him. At least, my mind did not. My body, on the other hand, was reacting to every little thing.

I picked-up the scent of his cologne, the beauty of his features, the way my skin prickled when he accidentally touched me.

I hated it, yet loved it, all at the same time.

I regretted sitting next to him.

.

.

He followed me out of class and to her locker. I could tell that he wanted to strike me down — I was practically stealing his girlfriend from him.

When we passed the female's bathroom, he pushed me in and locked the door. I tried to get him to let me out, but he pulled me into his chest and kissed me. My eyes went wide, and I could feel my body start to relax.

He whispered huskily.  _"It_ _was_ _you…"_

I could feel my face drain of color.

I had felt so safe and bold around him because I knew that he had no clue that I was the girl whom he slept with, but now… now he knew and there was no  _telling_ what he would do to me.

I ruined his relationship — I ruined his accepted relationship in order to pursue one that was considered taboo.

But he didn't seem angry.

He just looked at me with those swimmable dark pools for eyes, and stared me down using all of his beauty. I felt so small, despite being able to reach a little beneath his neck, with the top of my head. I gulped, and took a step back.

What was he going to do?

.

.

Like last night, he took me like an animal.

Only this time, I could feel how much anger there was, behind it. He used my body as if it were a tool, and tortured me for what seemed to be  _hours_.

No. It wasn't rape.

It was something  _else_.

It was wild, vicious, raw, and powerful, but strike me down if it wasn't immensely  _enjoyable_. I loved everything he did, and held onto him tightly as I felt myself reaching my peak, once again. He kissed me and shoved his tongue into my mouth.

" _From now on, I_ _own_ _you…"_

I cried-out in pleasure.

.

.

I couldn't bear to look at her.

I felt  _so_  guilty as I finally made my way to her locker, and found her surrounded by her friends. I had managed to make myself presentable despite the events that recently occurred, and  _hoped_ that her ex-boyfriend's scent wasn't on me. It was such a masculine cologne, and I was sure that she could identify it easily, by now.

She stared me down when I approached her, and I thought that everything I had recently built-up, was destroyed. But then she sighed and dismissed her friends.

She asked me what took me so long, and I said that I was held back by a teacher. She rolled her eyes at this, and then said to me that she and I were going to the mall. I gasped. She wanted me to spend the rest of the day with her.

On the ride there, it was silent. The first hour there, was silent. But then we entered a clothing store and my heart was thumping as she spoke.

" _I need to try-on some underwear. Help me pick them out."_

Her body was perfect; especially scantily-clad in each pair of underwear that she tried, and then eventually bought. I envied her greatly, and wanted to be able to touch her body while it was like that.

And my opportunity came when she tried to take the hook off of one, but failed at it. She asked me, and I went behind her and unhooked her bra.

Her skin was flawless, and her red hair contrasted with the rest of her so perfectly. Her bra size was big — bigger than my own — and I was impressed by the fact that she was so confident. She didn't care that I could possibly see her naked.

.

.

She didn't care if I  _saw_  her naked.

She turned around and my eyes landed immediately on her exposed breasts. They were shapely, the skin looked so soft, and I refrained myself from doing anything that she'd hate.

Yet I couldn't help but acknowledge the urge to  _feel_.

And it made me sick to my stomach.

Something whispered in my mind that it was wrong.  _Homosexuality is a sin — you'll go to Hell._ But it didn't stop the urge from arising within me. It was slowly shutting the voice in my head, and it was only when I felt her skin touch my own that I was snapped back to the earth.

She placed my hand on her breast.

Then I was against the wall of the dressing room — her mouth on my own.

.

.

I thought of her ex-boyfriend.

I thought of how he had done many of these same things to me, earlier that day. About how he had also used my body and played with it like it was a toy. About how he caused these same sparks to prickle my skin as his fingers touched me.

My shirt was off, and she unhooked my bra.

" _I'm not a lesbian…"_ She whispered to me.  _"I'm just frustrated."_

" _It's okay — I'm frustrated, too."_

Her mouth was hot on mine, and her lip-gloss was tasty. Her skin was soft, her hair was silky, and there were small love-marks left on her skin. (Surely leftovers from the last time she and her now-ex-boyfriend had sex).

I pulled on her hair, and felt odd when she began to tease me through my panties.

For a moment, I wondered how far we would go…

Then she slipped a finger inside of me, and I lost my mind.

.

.

" _Don't be so loud… we can't let anyone hear..."_

" _I-I'll try to be quieter… S-sorry…"_

.

.

Many things were called sins. And sins were bad. And they were not meant to be done. Yet I couldn't help but  _not care_  about my religious teachings, as I looked at her flushed face.

I didn't care if it was a sin.

It felt too good — too  _right_.

.

.

But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't miss the hardness of her ex-boyfriend's chest. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't compare and contrast them as I spent my time in the changing room, with this beautiful red-haired girl.

I'd be lying if I didn't miss the way he penetrated me, and his husky voice. How he spoke so vulgarly to me and vented just how much he hated me.

How much he hated losing the girl I was currently with.

Even though her breasts were so large and supple and soft, and I enjoyed playing with them to my delights (wanting to make her scream and get us caught), I missed the hardness of his flat chest, and how he had allowed me to rest my head against it as I tried my best to ride on top of him, like he wanted.

His aroma was still fresh in my mind, and I missed it.

Despite being with this girl, and feeling emotions like never before, my mind traveled back to the boy whom had once done these types of things with her, not twelve hours before.

Despite the feel of her body against my own, that nagging feeling of something still  _missing_ , was alive.

To my utter hatred, it lived and was feeding.

.

.

" _From now on… you're my fuck buddy."_

.

.

We left the mall, our arms hooked together, and I was delighted at how everything had turned-out. Yet a part of me could see the danger brewing.

Her ex-boyfriend had claimed me as his sex slave.

She had claimed me as her fuck buddy.

And I knew that I wouldn't do a thing about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've detached myself from all religious views to write this. Just because I write some of this, doesn't mean I personally agree with it. I actually don't care about someone's sexual orientation — their life, not mine.
> 
> Next Chapter: Bisexuality.


	3. Bisexuality

" _Get out."_  He said to me.

Without a word, I gathered myself and began to exit his bedroom. I pushed through the burning need to rest after having engaged in sex for such a long period of time, and made sure to clean-up whatever little mess I made as I continued to work my way towards leaving his room.

All the while, he lit a cigarette and began to smoke it. The smell of it hit me, and a sense of nostalgia overcame me.

I stopped.

" _Cigarettes…"_ I muttered. I turned to him.  _"Do you like peppermint?"_

" _What a stupid question. I said get out."_

I nodded my head, looking away, and headed-over to the window in his room. Like the gentleman that he was, he forced  _me_  to be the one to sneak into the other's house in order to indulge in carnal pleasure.

I stood, looked down at the jump, and got ready. I took in a deep breath and leaped to the tree. I caught the branch (momentarily thanking my years of ballet for being able to leap so far) and then climbed my way down. When I was on the ground, I looked at his window.

It was shut.

The lights were still off — he preferred not being able to look at me, whenever he took my body.

I turned away, and began to head to the exit.

.

.

The smell of cigarettes was still in my nose, and I thought back to how my curiosity begun.

Its origin.

Its origin in the form of a girl whom I would most likely never, ever see again. The person who violently turned my life upside-down, and yet I couldn't help but feel a dull ache in my heart as I once again thought of the female.

I missed it.

I missed those days.

I missed  _her_.

.

.

On the walk back to her house, she took a stroll down memory lane. She paused for a moment at the bench beside her, and remembered the female who had caused her to become confused about her sexual orientation.

She was an interesting character.

…A girl who saw the world as living, breathing, walking art, and loved the simplest things around her. She enjoyed every imperfection, every insignificant little thing that she found, and was one of those people that she could easily describe as a breath of fresh air.

Her view on life was something that Sakura hadn't known she needed. She had been so stuck on things being done  _this way_  that she had forgotten about other solutions.

She blamed her mother — the highly religious woman who was incredibly strict on her and wouldn't allow her to do a single thing unless it agreed with The Book. And meeting that girl, that girl whom she knew her mother wouldn't care for, at all, had been a great experience in her life.

Because despite the hell the girl had put her through, it had been a much needed wake-up call.

.

.

" _Kin."_

" _Sakura."_

.

.

The convenience store in the neighborhood was a place she had begun to visit very often. On her treks from  _his_ house, she always stopped there to grab a quick snack.

The manager always eyed her; probably thinking what it is that a girl like her was doing, this late at night.

(She could only wonder what he thought of her.

A prostitute, most likely, she thought. He thought that with her hair and eye color, she was busy prostituting around.

It also didn't help that she had some hickeys on her neck, but she couldn't find it in herself to care of her appearance in his eyes. She would never truly know this old-looking man with graying hair and a wrinkled face. And therefore, she had nothing to prove to this male).

But he never questioned it.

_._

_._

_She was a pretty-looking girl with a unique look that she hadn't seen, anywhere else._

_The odd thing was, though, that she smelled heavily of cigarettes, but with a hint of peppermint underneath it. It was a contradicting smell._

_But… she liked it._

.

.

She paid for the pack of cigarettes (ignoring the look he always gave her), and lit one on the way out of the store.

She had never been much of a smoker. She had only done it a few times, in her past. It was a habit she had picked-up from the very girl who rocked her world until she wasn't sure which direction was which.

When she was with her, up was down, down was up, left was right, right was left, and there was no thing as sundown or sunset.

There was only  _light_  and  _darkness_.

And when she was consumed in the darkness, she would bring light to the world with a little burning cigarette.

.

.

" _Do you… smoke?" She asked._

" _Sometimes. It makes life easier — a momentary escape from this fucked-up world that we're living on. Then again, I'm not one to judge. I contribute to the fuckary…" She said it with a carefree smile on her face._

_Immediately, she knew that this girl was the type of person that she shouldn't be with. Yet… she found herself engaging in long hours of conversation with her._

_And despite the fact that she knew that her mother was across the room and probably watching her as she spoke to the girl dressed in all black at a festive party. There were piercings in her cheeks, small metallic balls, and there was a skull pendant in strap that wrapped her long green and black hair, in a ponytail._

_She wore mesh, fingerless gloves and boots with spikes on the top. But most unique of all was that one of her eyes was yellow, while the other was blue._

_And Sakura knew that their mixed colors would make green…_

_She was curious about this girl._

.

.

She didn't smoke it.

Only smelled it as it burned in her hand, and the smoke wafted into her nose. She inhaled it deeply, and savored it before she let it go — only to take more of it in.

It was a smell that she had grown to love.

It reminded her of a much simpler time where strict mothers didn't keep you from exploring the world, and shipped young little girls to reform school to be  _cleansed_.

She used the lighter she carried to burn both ends, and keep them burning. When she was done, she threw it on the ground before grabbing a new cigarette, and doing the same to that one. She could see her house in the distance, and knew that she should probably stop what she was doing, but she didn't really care.

.

.

She avoided her family, climbed-up to her room, and continued to burn the cigarettes.

They were  _her_  brand.

And it wasn't long before her room was covered in the smell. If only, though, she was able to cuddle next to  _her_  and inhale her sweet, sweet peppermint scent while nuzzling her nose into the girl's bubblegum-scented hair.

She inhaled the smoke deeply.

.

.

That was the stuff…

.

.

" _My mom says we shouldn't smoke. The Lord frowns upon it."_

" _I don't care. Moms say a lot of things. They don't usually mean it — they just say it to scare you. Like, for instance, has she ever told you not to kiss a girl?"_

" _Always — it's a sin."_

" _But w_ _hy?_ _"_

" _What… do you mean?"_

" _What makes it a sin — the fact that some book_ _says so_ _, or that people actually_ _believe it_ _? I mean, I see no harm with kissing a girl. If it makes you happy, do it."_

"… _Have you ever kissed a girl?"_

" _Of course."_

" _When?"_

" _That's personal, sweetie."_

.

.

She remembered how naïve she had been, back then; thinking that the world was all black-and-white and not even aware that a color such as  _gray_  existed.

Because hidden in that gray was all the things that her mother had disapproved of, and kept her from discovering. Hidden in that gray were things that were often considered taboo, and illegal. She had been shielded well from them, but the metaphorical bubble that she had been placed in throughout all of her childhood, could only last for so long.

And it'd been popped.

As soon as she met that frustratingly attractive female with views on life that she had never even  _imaged_ , her world began to crumble before her as a new picture was painted.

The sky was white, the ground black, and the horizon  _gray_.

.

.

" _What's it like?"_

" _Like kissing a boy. There's really no difference. Only… I guess they were softer — I dunno. I can't remember since the girl wasn't my type."_

" _So… you like girls…"_

" _It depends. I mostly like boys, though, but a girl every now and then is nice. It allows me more freedom to learn my body in a newer way than I once had. Things that I didn't understand before, I began to see more clearly. It's a very educational experience, and_ _a lot_ _nicer than being with a boy."_

" _That… must be nice, I guess…"_

" _It is… You know, your innocence is really cute, Pinky. It makes me want to do awful, awful things to you — to ruin you."_

" _What? Why?!"_

" _I don't know… you just have that_ _face_ _."_

.

.

" _To ruin me…"_ She thought; twisting in her bed and cuddling against one of the few things that she found solace in.

She held the cigarette close to her nose as she continued to smell it. She wished, deeply, that it held an undertone of peppermint. Because that would make her  _happy_.

That would help to fill the void in her life…

She pondered on whether the girl  _had_  ruined her.

.

.

Yes, she got her confused.

She made her begin to wonder whether she liked females as well as males — whether she was bisexual.

There was a little less of that no-no factor in bisexuality; since the person still held an attraction to the opposite sex. Yet it was the fact that they also held feelings for the same sex that made it another one of those  _sinful_ things.

So in a way, Kin had made her sin. But was that being  _ruined_? Was one sin really such a bad thing?

.

.

(She remembered a time where it was.

Where a single sin was bad and a one-way ticket  _directly_  to Hell. An express elevator down to the source of all evil; to a place where she would always, always run for her life and worms would come out of her body, through the oddest exits.

—ears, nose, eyes, mouth, anus, urethra, etc—

Or make their own exits.

It was a disgusting way to spend the rest of eternity. Where peace would not come to you and you would suffer for that one, single sin every day that you were there.

No hope of escape.

_Hope_  was no longer a word to you.

Yes, this was her way of thinking as a young child growing-up in a highly religious family. One little thing led to eternal damnation. And as she thought back on it—)

.

.

It was stupid, she told herself.

One sin wasn't so bad. Everyone makes mistakes. It's a part of human nature and we shouldn't damn ourselves because of that one, tiny slip-up.

Just because you do a sin, doesn't make you a sinner.

It makes you normal — human.

And that was why she thought it normal to explore her sexual orientation. Confusion was common and meant to be resolved however the person saw it fit. If her confusion could be solved by being the fuck buddy of the red-headed girl, and the sex slave of the spiky-haired boy, then so be it.

Because as much as she missed Kin's touches, she wanted to know: had Kin  _ruined her_  in her own eyes.

_Her. Own. Eyes._

Not the eyes of her mother, father, Him, or anyone else, but in  _her_  eyes — her personal eyes. Did she, personally feel that she was ruined?

She lit another, and then another, and another — all the while pondering this question as the night turned into day and she had to get up from her bed to open a window and air her room out. If her mother ever found-out that she had bought cigarettes—

She inhaled the cold, winter air and was immediately reminded of that winter's night, all those years ago. Where, she assumed, her  _ruining_  began.

She smiled at the thoughts that entered her mind.

.

.

" _I don't think we should be doing this…"_

_She was against the wall of her parent's bedroom, the party that they were throwing, still going on beneath them, and Kin had her body caged in. The look in her eyes was something that she hadn't quite seen before._

_She was beginning to question her answer._

" _Sakura, stop thinking. Thinking ruins things. Thinking leads to problems. Thinking leads to war and poverty and bitchiness. Do you really want to t_ _hink_ _, or do you want to f_ _eel_ _. Feeling is much better, because it means you're_ _alive_ _while thinking can take you to fantasy worlds were shit doesn't exist and people puke rainbows when they're happy."_

_Her stomach was bubbling-over with nervousness._

" _But—"_

_She was silenced when Kin leaned in and pressed her lips against her own. Her eyes widened as she felt the feminine lips, and she felt the biblical part of her s_ _cream_   _to get away from this girl._

_She was a dyke. She wasn't to be spoken to. She was to be shunned for openly defying the Lord and going against the Holy Scriptures._

_That was what her mother's voice was saying to her, in her mind, as the female continued to kiss her._

_But her body was frozen and the voice couldn't fully reach her mind. It was there, scratching and gnawing at the box placed around it, in the back of her mind, as her inability to_ _think_   _was promptly taken away from her, as Kin stuck her tongue inside her mouth._

_She gasped, and Kin placed her tongue deeper into her mouth. Her hands went up to her shoulders (she assumed it was to push her away) and they dug into her black cardigan as she pressed her body against her own, and pushed her back against the wall. It was easy to feel just how female Kin was, with her breasts pressed harshly against her own._

_Kin skillfully locked the door beside them._

_She then maneuvered that hand between Sakura's thighs, and began to stroke her bundle of nerves. Sakura gasped into the kiss, and Kin allowed her some air._

_She smirked at her cute face._

" _Feel_ _. Never_ _think_ _."_

.

.

The sun was peaking over the horizon, and the smell of cigarettes had aired-out. She missed it, and wished that she could light one of the leftover cigarettes in the box, but had to quickly hide it as her mother knocked on her door.

She unlocked it. And then immediately went to the side of her bed, got down on her knees, and assumed a praying position as the door opened.

She mumbled a prayer beneath her breath. But she felt that it was half-hearted and  _fake_  and something that would most definitely be frowned-upon. But she found that she'd been doing a lot of that, lately, and didn't necessarily see how a fake prayer could make her life any worse.

" _Get ready for school."_ Her mother said to her, before leaving the room and closing the door.

She sighed.

School.

The place where she could truly see just how  _ruined_  she now was… She smirked.

_._

_._

_Her feelings contradicted her thoughts._

_And she guessed that that was why Kin kept telling her to throw-away all thoughts, and just let her skin and the rest of the body, do the job for her._

_This had led to many confusing, pleasurable things. They were the very things that she was_ _certain_   _the people beneath them would highly disagree with, but she was too flustered to pay much attention to it._

_Her mind was buzzing with confusion and she pulled her parent's bed-spread up higher. Her body was naked beneath the covers, and so was Kin's. Only, Kin was very clearly more comfortable with the situation than she was, and to her surprise, got a cigarette from a pocket hidden inside the dress that she had worn to the gathering, and lit it._

_The cigarette smell was odd, and Sakura hated it, but it was slightly covered by the smell of peppermint that naturally came-off of Kin's body._

_The ablaze end of the cigarette was the only light source._

" _You should… you should put that out." Sakura said._

_As a result, Kin sucked in the smoke that the cigarette gave-off, and held it in her mouth. She brought Sakura's face closer to her own, using the very hand that held the cigarette, and kissed her again; using her tongue to open her mouth._

_Sakura let the smoke be forced insider her body — hating and liking the bitter-sweet taste that it gave off._

_Kin pulled back, and placed a kiss on her lips._

" _You're such a cute, naïve little thing."_

.

.

He ambushed her.

He came out from the shrubs placed beside the school, grabbed her, and then dragged her to the parking lot. She made no move to stop him. She let him take her to his ever-expensive car, and do to her what he pleased.

She loved it.

And she hated that she loved it.

And she hated that she hated that she loved it.

Being with him caused nothing but confusion to erupt within her.  _Stop this. Stop doing this with him. It's wrong — this isn't how it's supposed to be._  She found it ironic how this voice repeated those very words when she spent her time with the red-headed girl.

He bit down on her neck, covered her uniform in his fluids, and then threw a plastic bag at her.

" _Change."_  He ordered.

Inside, was a new uniform — several more, actually.

She knew was it meant.

.

.

Things were going to get dirtier.

.

.

" _One day, someone is going to fully taint you, Sakura."_

_Kin said; the two having gotten dressed, fixed the bed, and airing the place out._

" _Why?" Sakura asked shakily while fighting back the tears that threatened to spill from her green eyes; her mind still a jumbled puzzle after the night's events. She felt guilty for what she had done — not only because it occurred at a very young age with a member of the same sex, but also because she had enjoyed it._

_She had enjoyed what Kin had done to her. She had enjoyed the way her body had been treated. As evil as it sounded to admit it, she simply could not deny it._

_It had been… a wonderful experience._

_And this was what was making her cry._

_Kin went over to her, looked at her crying face, and kissed away each little tear-drop, one-by-one, with the softest touches in the world that caused Sakura's cheeks to burn a furious red._

" _Because… you just have that f_ _ace_ _."_

.

.

She knew that the reason why the red-headed girl did these things to her, was because she missed her ex-boyfriend. She had seen the way the girl looked at him as they passed each other in the halls.

The longing.

The wanting.

The so-close-and-yet-so-far.

And she didn't mind.

She didn't care that she used her body to drown-away her frustrations, because that was what all three of them were doing. She drowned her own frustration in the beautiful,  _beautiful_  red-haired female, and in return, the red-haired female's frustrations were poured into her.

And this served to make her more upset, and more guilty in the moments where she spent them with the male.

Like now.

" _Shut up."_  He snarled.  _"You're too loud."_

" _S-sorry… I-I c-can't he—EELP! IT!"_  Her body clenched and she grabbed onto him for dear life and screamed into his mouth as she violently had an orgasm all over him.

He, like always, pulled-out and spilled it on her uniform; far away from her entrance.

" _Damn you."_ He muttered.

She gulped.

" _Sorry."_

.

.

" _Ah! Right there! You do it so well… so much better than_ _him_ _!"_ She was glad that her red-haired female partner was pleased with her ministrations, because it made her feel a little better about what she had done, less than an hour ago, with her ex-boyfriend.

_Since when did school become a sex hotspot?_

" _Ngh! Y-you're so—ah!"_

Her body contracted, and, like always, she pulled her in for a deep kiss as the female ejaculated all over her fingers. Her hands were dug in, deeply, into the red locks that she had craved to touch for so long, and could finally enjoy.

They were amazing, and she hated that she had waited so long to pursue the somewhat successful relationship.

Pulling away from the kiss, she kissed the girl's neck and shoulders as she gently lulled her out of her orgasm. The female, like always, held onto her and grabbed her shoulders. She pushed her back and smiled up at her.

" _You're the best fuck buddy,_ _ever_ _!"_

The smile on her face made her heart pound harshly, and she swooped down for another kiss; her hands once again tangling themselves in the sea of red strands.

The kiss was sloppier, dirtier, and clearly showed just how more calm they were getting; it meant that their time together was slowly coming to a close. They would soon leave the bathroom, go back to classes, and wait until something new caused them to get angry at themselves or the world, and meet once again, somewhere  _private_.

.

.

Despite feeling physically satisfied, she could still feel that emptiness in her heart as she rested against the bathroom wall, with the red-haired girl curled up against her.

As much as she enjoyed the warmth of her body, she couldn't help but miss being the one that is  _held_.

Like what her ex-boyfriend would do to her, sometimes.

He'd allow her to rest her head on his chest, and take in his amazing, masculine scent that always seemed to make a fire burn hotly in her stomach.

(Even as she thought of it, her stomach was growing hot).

She sighed and leaned her head against the bathroom tile; secretly glad that her last class of the day was gym and that there was a substitute and that no one would care if she was or wasn't there, at all.

She ran her hands through the girl's silky red hair.

For some odd reason, her hair was now the  _wrong color_.

.

.

" _Bye, sweetie."_

_She kissed her on the lips, the smell of peppermint and cigarette assaulting her nose once again, and then left the room — and the party, altogether._

_She placed her fingertips against her lips._

_Her heart pounding in her chest._

' _What…_ _is_ _this feeling?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it'd be nice to introduce some background and some progress in the present. This is the longest chapter for this story, so far, as well as the one that touches most on the topic of the story.
> 
> *Note: Kin is my OC, not the one from Sound that appeared during the Chunin Exams. While this isn't her true personality, it does hold pieces where this is how she truly is — minus being bisexual, to an extent.
> 
> Next Chapter: Second-to-last, asexuality.


	4. Asexuality

There were a few months between when it all began, and when it all ended, where there was simply  _nothing_.

She — her body — wasn't used in any way during those months where all anything anyone ever did was begin to prepare for the entrance exams that were slowly creeping in on them like a bad storm a few days away. And while this would normally please a person, she found that it was rather annoying.

She sat in class, and didn't have to worry about him burning his eyes into the back of her neck. He'd… seem to lose interest in her, after a while.

It'd been  _weeks_  since he last touched her; pulled her into the nearest, private area and done with her what he pleased. She oddly missed it, as uncommon as it sounded. Because despite what he had done to her, she had found some sort of comfort in it — in the fact that she enjoyed it.

It was that little part of her that said to her,  _Mom and Dad would be proud of you_  — because she wasn't with a  _female_ , but with a  _male_. It was what they expected of her, a female.

But she also missed being with the pretty redhead.

She, too, forgot about her, in time. The days that they sought comfort in each other came to a close, and she, herself, slowly began to swerve away from the young beauty who was one of the prettiest and brightest girls in school.

Tapping her pencil against her desk as she watched the documentary on human anatomy, she began to chew on her lip as she found that her life had gotten very boring, very quickly, and that her sexual urges seemed to be completely gone. It had seemed as if the fire in her stomach had finally been put-out…

But by  _what_ , she wondered.

What had caused her to become so disinterested in the carnal pleasure that she so voluntarily engaged in whenever either of the two showed signs of wanting it from her — or just  _took it_.

She didn't think it could go away so easily. A few months of it was surely not enough to meet the  _years_  of watching, gazing,  _noticing_. Yet that seemed to be the case. She, like those two, was no longer interested in waking-up with sweat covering her body, and hiding what she was doing from her ever-religious family who saw her as nothing but the perfect, angelic daughter.

_If only they knew…_

.

.

But they never  _will_.

.

.

School was boring…

Class was boring…

Home was boring church was boring her friends were boring.

_Life_  was boring.

_Life was boring_.

Those were her thoughts each of those months, as she did nothing but studystudystudy for her college entrance exams. She spent her school days at school, working hard and trying not to glance at the spiky-haired boy or red-headed girl as they sat within her field of vision.

She struggled to keep her eyes towards the front of the class — at the teacher, board, and lesson.

But it was hard not noticing how things had changed in a few short weeks. From her being with both of them, secretly, to being with neither of them, openly. It was a sad, sad transition that made her regret some of the things that she'd done.

Yet, she couldn't find it in herself to care much, as her curiosity drizzled away like the heavy weight of cumulonimbus clouds during a downpour.

(Oddly enough, it was raining that day).

" _Sakura."_  Her teacher called her. She looked at the professional — the person designated by the country to teach her in school all the material that they (believed) she would need later on in life. She blinked at them.  _"Pay attention — you can't afford to daydream."_

She nodded and, as a way of apologizing for not being fully-invested in the lesson, answered a few of the teacher's questions.

She may have been spacing out lately, but she was still a bright girl and managed to pick-up on some of the material. This pleased her teacher, and they quickly went back to the lesson — as if she hadn't been sleeping, and made some of the students struggling to keep their good grades,  _dumb_ , by being lazy and  _still_  getting answers right.

It was a cruel thing to do, but she couldn't find it in herself to care.

She's been doing a lot of that, recently.

.

.

No interest.

She had absolutely  _no interest_ in sex, anymore, as odd as it may seem given how she was very close to a succubus a while back.

Yet she didn't catch herself staring at either of them, anymore, after a few weeks. Not when they were so close she could breathe in their scents, not when they were in gym class and dressed in the uniforms that the school makes them buy, each year, and  _not_  when they were somewhat half-naked whenever she caught the two together, going at it.

Perhaps that was why she was no longer interested; they seemed to be together, again.

Several times she's already caught them having sex; doing with each other what they had done to her (or as much as they'd been able to), in the places that they'd done it to her.

Today, it was the school's female locker-room.

As much as they tried to hide the noises, she had become accustomed to hearing them and could very easily identify what they were doing. It was weird hearing them, and not being a part of it; especially since she was in the stall right next to theirs, showering.

" _Shut up…"_ He whispered to her, harshly. And this surprised the young female, very much. She thought that he was much sweeter to his (what was she now to him? His girlfriend, once again — or, maybe, friends with benefits? Or was she still his ex-girlfriend, but he needed to feel her wrapped around him, once more?)… female companion, more than she was to him. Yet, he was  _harsher_ ; his tone, by no means, holding that level of calm fury that he would have whenever he whispered things into her ear, before.

" _Ngh — Sasuke…"_

She rolled her eyes; finding that while it sounded very hot on the other side, it no longer piqued her interest. Despite rubbing her intimate areas as she bathed while listening to them fuck — what was probably all it was: a quick fuck — she didn't feel that tingling sensation that she would normally get as she did this, before.

Her lust had gone down to zero, and now she found that the very concept of it was…  _boring_.

Finishing her shower, she immediately took notice of how they quieted down as she began to wrap her towel around herself. She sighed at this, and, just for the heck of it, knocked on the door. She could hear brief whispers before the female whom her body no longer craved, responded.

" _Y-yes?!"_  She asked. (Surely he was still moving within her; her voice was strangled).

" _Please, have sex in different places."_ She said; hearing them gasp as they heard the sound of her voice — recognizing it, but for entirely different reasons.  _"This is something two amateurs would do — I'm pretty sure neither of you are amateurs. Especially you, Uchiha-san, given your… history…"_

She walked away, but not before hearing the redhead begin to shout at the man whom, just moments ago, had her crying out in pleasure, but now screaming at him in fury.

She couldn't help but smirk.

.

.

The noise he created was large as he slammed his hand down on the desk that she had been seated at. She was startled, for a moment, but she heaved a sigh as she looked at his angry face. (Briefly, she remembered a time where she would've been intimidated by it. But now no longer did he have this domineering force over her).

" _What. The. Hell?"_ He sneered.

" _You look quite refreshed. Healthier, even. That locker-room sex must've been_ _exactly_ _what you needed."_

He glared at her more. But she didn't budge. He was surprised by the emotionless look in her face as she carried-on with eating from her bento; her dainty little hands skillfully using the chopsticks to grab at roasted shrimp.

His eyes landed on her mouth as she took the shrimp in; the simple act oddly provocative to him.

" _Don't talk to me like that. Who the fuck do you think you_ _are_ _?"_

She stood. She closed her bento, grabbed it, and looked at him dead in his pool-like eyes.

" _I'm Haruno Sakura. Student. Female._ _Not a toy_ _."_ Her words were harsh as she spoke them with extreme confidence; a confidence that hadn't been there, before. Normally, she wouldn't have done such a thing; because she thought of him as one of the most gorgeous males on the universe and wanted nothing more than to be covered in his sweat and  _used_  by him.

But now, now she felt the attractive gone. Yes, his eyes were still swimmable dark pools of darkness, but now that she knew more of his cruel personality, the attraction was overshadowed.

His pretty face was a mask for something sinister — something she didn't care for…

" _Have a happy life,_ _Uchiha_ _."_ She spat his last name in a way that made it sound dishonorable. And this didn't sit well with him. He grabbed onto her wrist as she attempted to walk away, and pulled her back.

By now, the patrons in the room had begun to notice the two of them, and watched with hungry eyes at the interaction between the god of the school and... the girl with pink hair that no one had ever seemed to notice, until now, as she boldly pulled her hand out of his grip and give him a dirty look; strength in her eyes.

" _I'd appreciate it if you didn't touch me. God knows where those hands of yours have been…"_  Her voice was laced with venom as she spoke. Some would say that it sounded like that of a jealous girlfriend.

But that voice came a few moments later, while their argument grew more heated.

.

.

She didn't flinch when the redhead struck her.

She took it, placing her hand on her cheek, and stood there while the female yelled at her — calling her all sorts of names that were synonyms for  _harlot_.

" _You_ _fucked_ _my boyfriend? How could you?! I trusted you!"_

She didn't respond.

She was unsure of why she couldn't feel anything towards this girl. She had once convinced herself that she was very much in love with the beauty. But like everything else in the past month, she found that she simply  _couldn't care_.

" _I deserve that."_ She said when the redhead seemed to calm down; her face almost as red as her hair.  _"But I assure you, the affair wasn't serious. I was frustrated and curious."_

" _So you just go around fucking people's boyfriends while you do the same to—"_

" _No. I take them out on others… or I don't think. One of the two — a little bit of both, this time, I believe."_ She said softly; not all at feeling remorse for what she had done.

This seemed to further anger the redhead as she got her clawed hand ready to strike the female, once again. She anticipated that if she let this carry-on any further, there would be hair pulling, cursing, and a bunch of  _shit_ that she honestly couldn't find it in herself to care about.

Sighing, she rolled her eyes at the furious female; her mind no longer registering the fact that she was even more beautiful when she was angry.

" _Save it."_ She said.  _"There's no reason to fight. I'm not attracted to him, anymore. As odd as it is, I just… I can't find it in myself to take notice of him — it'd be a_ _waste_ _of my time and energy to flock to him like all other shallow females in this school…"_

.

.

She turned and left. Eyes on her; burning into her, but her body no longer reacting like before.

.

.

She really held  _no interest_.

.

.

When it was time to go home, she was more-than-happy. Home was a haven for her; where she could escape the eyes of the students as they all  _stared_.

She knew that they were gossiping about her; about how she had sex with Uchiha Sasuke and stood-up to both him and his… female companion, at lunch. It made her hated by the fan-girls who wished that they were her, and yet now a target for the boys who hated the Uchiha. They now wanted to know if they were better than him, and she was the only other girl in the whole school who had shared a bed with him.

But she, ever-clever, didn't show any interest in them. Because for some unknown oddity, she no longer saw them as males — just creatures; walking chunks of matter whose bodies sought to do nothing but reproduce. And this realization made her sick of them and begin to look down upon their species, and her owns.

Every male was now a blur, and every female was now insignificant. Her senses had dulled-down to the point where everyone was the same, and she couldn't find it in herself to be attracted to them, in any way.

She wondered why, for the umpteenth time that day, as she walked home from school after dodging another wave of hormonal teenage boys, why she no longer cared about the difference between male and female, and saw the sexes as blobs that, while holding some differences between the two, were all the same and rather  _boring_.

Sighing, she pulled-out a cigarette and twirled it in her hand. She'd kept one in her pocket, every day, waiting for the right moment to light it and reminisce in the moments in life where she truly  _was_  happy.

She thought back to Kin.

Her childhood.

How the two spent loads of time together after their first encounter, and how Kin always said that, one day, she would be ruined.

And she couldn't help but wonder if  _today_  was that day.

_Had she finally been ruined_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Note(s): This story is SasuSaku because, despite how it may look, they do end-up together. Of course, I won't be showing any of that since this is a project and I'm kinda not into the whole lovey-dovey-hanky-panky stuff, and will be focusing on my angst-y things for a while.
> 
> Karin found-out about Sasuke and Sakura's affair when Sasuke tried to explain himself to Sakura's comment in the girls' locker room. He spilled everything, and in turn, she did the same. That was why Sasuke confronted her at the table; he wanted an explanation as to why she had been doing the things he did. (There is also that part of him whose pride was hurt and angered at hearing that a female whom he had been sleeping with, also went to his girlfriend for sexual pleasure).
> 
> This chapter was hard to write. Thankfully, it's a project and I don't have to put in that much effort.
> 
> Next (and final) Chapter: Sexuality.


	5. Sexuality

The cafeteria blowout had marked the beginning of the end, and the beginning of many things.

For one: her sexual attraction to females had seemed to die down, after one point. Her curiosity no longer had random surges, and she didn't find herself staring at females as they walked around; her eyes set on the curves of their bodies as they flaunted what the Lord had given them.

She no longer felt like a disgrace to her family, but that didn't mean that she felt  _happy_. No. All it meant was that, while she didn't look at other females, she would still never forget about the one who caused all of this: Kin. Hirohata Kin. A girl who would always be a great influence in her life, despite she not having seen her for almost a good decade.

She supposed that her curiosity had finally burned away because of the pretty red-headed girl. After everything that she'd experienced with her in those few, joyous and yet somewhat turbulent months, only to have it all come down the way that it did, she believed that she had learned a valuable lesson from it.

Females, unless they were bisexual or homosexual, would not fall for another girl so long as they have that one male in their lives that they will forever-love.

It was a sad truth that forced her to give-up on pursuing a female-and-female relationship, and she was forced to succumb to the rules that society had set for her since the day of her birth: to be with a male.

And while she had gone-out on many dates, some with boys whom she felt a small, small,  _small_  spark with, her heart never seemed to be in the right place.

She knew that her body craved feminine attention the way the males were able to give her, but her mind told her that the odds of that happening were quite low, especially since there were no females in her school who would ever pursue that type of relationship — what with there being a god in their midst.

And it annoyed her; the fact that she couldn't have what she wanted. Yet, she knew that she also wanted male attention. But the attention that she was currently receiving was nowhere near to what she required.

Several times she had found herself letting her mind slip back to the time where a male made her toes curl and her heart beat quickly. To when she felt her body light on fire with a simple looktouchkiss, and didn't mind being with him in that way because, dammit, her body  _craved_  that.

It was these feelings that had let her to start staring at the male whom she had once slept with, many weeks ago, and begin to feel that small level of attractiveness begin to grow, once again, as she picked-up on his several impressive displays of masculinity, and had to admit that she was… impressed.

But, she told herself as she looked away from him while he and his companions continued to play a game of basketball in their gym class, while all the females were cheering for them as if it were an actual game and not just a class assignment, what were the odds of  _them_  ever going back to moments like that? He hated her greatly because of what she had done to both him and his girlfriend. Why would he suddenly begin to try and develop the type of relationship with her, that she slowly found herself wanting?

Feeling rather depressed over all the changes, and bored since the girls weren't allowed to play basketball on that day, because the teacher was afraid of the guys going too hard and harming them (the sexist jerk), she stood from the bench and began to walk down the steps of the bleachers.

She made her way onto the hard wooden floor, and avoided the gazes of others as they watched her.

.

.

That was another thing.

Everything she did, no matter how simple, seemed to draw attention. People had really begun to notice the girl who held a unique pink hair and green eyes combination, and had slept with the one male in the school who was considered unattainable because of his harpy-like girlfriend. And because she had accomplished a difficult feat, a spotlight has been placed on her for what seemed to be, permanently.

That was why they stared as she made her way towards the back of the gym, and intended on exiting. But a block appeared in front of her in the form of a cocky male.

He opened his mouth to speak, and she rolled her eyes and walked around him. She knew that this only brought more attention to her, but she didn't care about it. Let herself be a target — she can handle whatever was thrown at her.

.

.

It was something she'd thought of, but never truly believed was possible. And it happened on the most unlikely of days — a Sunday. Where school was the least of her worries because she had already finished her homework, and she was ready to attend another religious outing with her family.

She had exited her house dressed in another appropriate ensemble of a light green dress that went down past her knees, a white jacket that was opened, white, small-heeled shoes, and her short pink hair pulled back in a white headband with simple earrings in her ears and a religious necklace hanging around her neck (looking the part of a religious female, all the more), secretly smuggling a pack of cigarettes in the inside pocket that she had sewn into the jacket, when she saw him.

He stood there, on her driveway, dressed in his traditional all-black color and sticking out like a sore thumb amongst her family's house decorations that clearly didn't include a teenage boy.

She avoided the look her parents sent her as he approached them with confidence, and spoke, to her surprise, to her father and mother, and asked them permission to go with them.

.

.

The horror. The audacity. The confusion.

How could he do such a thing? Asking to invade something that was very important to her family (although not much to her), as if he had the  _right_. She was certain that her parents were more furious about this than she was, because her mind was still struggling to grasp around the entire situation.

He wanted to go with them? Him, the male whom she was certain wanted nothing more than to kill her after what she'd done. She'd sinned — terribly, and with a  _female_  — and that was enough to make her feel like all the anger directed towards her,  _from this very male who was_ _still_ _trying to convince her parents to let him go with them all_ , was justified.

But that didn't mean that it wasn't such a strong source of hatred that she hadn't half-expected him to just murder her while they were in the classroom, and happily accept the consequences, and wasn't surprised when he didn't.

_What is he doing? Why does he want to come with us? Has he lost his mind? Is he intoxicated, drugged, or just plain_ _stupid_ _?_

Her thoughts continued to debate his reasoning behind it, and this was why she was caught off-guard when he looked at her and spoke her name. It was said so casually — as if they were, dare she say it,  _friends_. And it both caused her heart to thump a beat slightly harder than all others, and her annoyance at his appearance all the more stronger.

" _Why?"_ Her father asked; a word that didn't require any indication as to what it meant. There was only one thing it  _could_  be, at the moment.

" _Because… I want to be with your daughter."_

.

.

" _I refuse to be with you. Now, if you would please excuse us, we are close to being late and punctuality is not something that I do not take seriously."_

.

.

That was just one of many other confrontations, all done on Sundays, as he seemed to try and weave his way further into her life. She blew him off each time in a polite, little lady manner that her mother approved of (although the woman was somewhat upset with how harsh she was being to the  _young gentleman_ ), and went on her way.

When he knew that that wasn't getting him anywhere, he began to try and get closer to her, at school.

At school, her refusals were less than polite and more filled with harsh anger towards him. She was a contradicting bitch; a part of her wanted to be with him —  _had_  wanted to be with him since a cold bucket of water was thrown on her face and she realized that she couldn't have what her body craved because of society and its set-in-stone rules — while the other part wanted nothing more than to smash his head against a desk for being such a bastard.

How dare he think that he can suddenly claim her as his, and ask permission to get involved with both her personal and school life, just because his hormones were rushing?

(She wasn't exactly sure what it was that was driving him. Was it that he missed the sex? His girlfriend refused to satisfy him? Was it some sort of bet? Dare? Challenge that he refused to decline and wanted desperately to win? Or, maybe, his motives were genuine…?

Whatever they were, she didn't care.

She remembered their past too well to suddenly let it go and pursue a new future with him. Nope. She refused. And she would continue to refuse him until he finally saw that she  _would never be with him_ , and stopped being a fool).

His blunt and uncaring attitude was no help, either. With each failed attempt, he grew more persistent to the point where he actually walked-in one day — today — and brought her candy.

A red, heart-shaped box closed with a frilly pink and red ribbon, with a rose beneath the bow that was tied on top. Her name was scrawled in fancy, very feminine handwriting in gold gel, and every pair of eyes in the room was on them as he handed it to her; waiting for a response.

.

.

She'd never been one to do cruel things in her life.

She had always been that type of child her parents wanted. A sweet, smart,  _respectful_  child who had a good head screwed on their shoulders, and would never do something that would make any other person feel bad in some way, somehow.

Yet, she'd gone through a lot of change in the past few years — in the last three or so months, especially.

And that was why she grabbed the box, stood from her desk, opened the window, and threw it out of the classroom and watched as it landed on the sidewalk, over the school's front gate. (She had a hell of an arm). She then closed it, and as if nothing had just happened, she went back to her desk and went back to reading the novel that she had bought at the bookstore, the other day.

He was still at her desk and looked down at her with hard eyes. Not an emotion could be deciphered from the black-hole-like orbs, but the people were expecting a blowout.

But, it never came.

He huffed a breath and went to take his seat. And like always, she could feel his gaze burning into the back of her neck. She rolled her eyes at this; wanting to stop the beating of her heart as it became erratic and somewhat fearful. It was reacting to his intense gaze, while also feeling some pain from the way that she refused to acknowledge his attempts at wooing her, and just  _be with him already_.

_Treacherous heart._  She thought as she flipped the page and continued to read about the geisha struggling to keep her virginity intact as several men pursued her due to her career choice.  _I wish I could just rip you out, sometimes. He has an angle — a bad angle. Stop being stupid and realize it._

She  _refused_  to fall for him like all his other weak fan-girls.

.

.

He didn't stop.

As much as she prayed, each and every night for him to stop his ridiculous attempts at trying to grasp her and make her his, the moron simply wouldn't stop and had taken some annoying, serious measures in order to try and ensure his successfulness.

He's begun to ward-off any males who even showed the smallest hint of interest in her. Males whom she used to be able to hold a positive conversation with, now didn't say two words to her as she approached them, but instead fled the scene as if the Devil himself were on their tails.

Which, maybe, he was?

In the form of a young boy with swimmable black eyes of darkness, a physique like no other, and a menacing aura around him as he gazed at her from afar, clearly happy with the fact that those boys didn't speak to her.

That had been the last straw.

And she walked up to him, grabbed the bastard by his arm, and began to drag him to the roof of the school.

Whether she was taking him there to speak to him, or throw him off the edge and finally be rid of all the problems that he had been causing for her in the past six weeks, she was unsure.

But she'd know once she got there.

.

.

Murder, she realized, was not the answer. Yes he would be gone, but she didn't feel like being sent to jail and being a huge disappointment to her parents, and the rest of her family. Jail was not where she was meant to live-out the rest of her days, and that was why, as tempting as the offer sounded, she didn't push him off of the school roof but instead took the initiative to beat some sense into him — literally or metaphorically.

" _Leave me alone."_  She hissed at him like a viper scorned.  _"I've already told you, many, many,_ _many_ _times, that I don't want anything to do with you. Why do you still feel the need to continue to harass me and ruin my life?"_

" _You know why."_

" _That's a load of crap. What's your real reason Uchiha? Why are you still unable to take a hint although they've been smacking in your face since the first time you tried to get close to me?"_ He only stood a few feet away from the fence, and she could very easily push him back and over with her anger fueling her strength, but she continued to try and keep it in check.

He was silent, and this aggravated her. She groaned and heaved a tired, annoyed sigh, while digging her blunt nails into her school books. If only she hadn't cut them. Then maybe she could claw-out those annoying eyes of his…

" _Hn."_  That damned one-syllable response of his had never looked like a more justified reason to murder, before.

" _Christ. Honestly, I don't understand you, Uchiha. You've hated me for the past months because of what happened, and now you're suddenly trying to spend Sundays with my family, giving me gifts, and getting rid of all of my friends and stuff. Why would you do such a thing? What's your angle — your hidden agenda? It can't be something as dumb as you've fallen in love with me. That's too cliché."_ She said.

He didn't answer her. And for a moment, she wondered if he truly  _had_  fallen in love with her. The very idea of it made her inhale the oxygen around her, harshly, and her viridian green eyes to widen. No… it couldn't be…

" _That's not it."_ He said to her in that deep, masculine voice of his. And for a moment, she was stuck between loving it, hating it, being relieved at the words that he had spoken, and pissed at the vague answer that he had given her. She was being straight to the point. Did it kill him to be assertive?

" _Then what is it?"_ She asked; her eyes narrowing a little as she looked for signs of lying on his face. There was the possibility that whatever it was that he was about to say to her, could be a giant lie, and she was not going to accept that.

" _You… interest me…"_

And there it was; that same curiosity that she had been experiencing, was now in his eyes. She wondered if it was contagious, and if she had somehow passed it on to him. If that was the case, she really hated the fact that it was not something a person's immune system could fight-off, and hopefully get rid of. No. This curiosity would not be sustained — filled, satisfied — until…

" _Well_ _get over it_ _!"_ She said to him harshly. No. She would not deal with this; not this annoying curiosity. She would not accept the fact that he was trying to get to the same level of closeness with her, as she had been doing just a few months ago, with his girlfriend. No. That level of problems had sailed away for her, but it appeared that a new vessel had docked and wouldn't be going away, anytime soon.

With those as her final words, she made her way back down into the school and to her classroom, with the sickening feeling that her display had only fanned the flames.

.

.

I'm a lesbian, she's thought of saying to him, on several occasions, just to get him to stop. While she wouldn't normally do such a thing, what happened on the roof was beginning to get to her. It had left her feeling rather paranoid about what he would do next, and the things that would come with it.

But she, knowing better than to resolve to such a low tactic to get him to stop, put on a brave face and lost all thoughts of getting him to believe that she was a lesbian. In a way, she'd be insulting other homosexual females, and she wasn't going to do that. So instead, she put up with him for around another week before she finally decided that enough was enough, and that it was time to take drastic measures.

She went to her principal, a very sweet and understanding woman. She told her everything that was going on, and had managed to get her class schedule switched so that she didn't share a single one with that Uchiha bastard. And, in time, it was as if he didn't even exist in her life, anymore.

And it was… bitter sweet.

She loved the fact that she didn't have to worry about him pulling any one of his little stunts and ruining her day. She loved that she could finally pay attention to her teachers, and actually take good notes. She  _loved_  the fact that no one seemed to pay attention to her, and watch her with hawk-eyes as they waited for the Uchiha to try to socialize with her, again.

Yet—

(And she hated the fact that there was a  _yet_  more than anything else in the world. Why, oh why, couldn't her body stop getting mixed-up in what it wanted, and just settle upon one thing, permanently and forever?)

She missed… him.

—for a moment, she thought that she was going to vomit while listening to her history teacher speak about some of the wars that Japan had been in, with some gruesome details—

It was horrible, but true.

She actually  _missed_  his silly attempts at trying to get her to be with him, and the way he pursued her without fear. She slowly began to expect him to walk into her classroom, any day now, and pull some huge stunt that she'll hate… but also secretly feel flattered at the fact that a guy was willing to go through such lengths for her.

It was a terrible, awful, sickening feeling — this internal war. But it was there, and she had to somehow suck it up and either deal with it, or bury it.

.

.

She settled upon burying it.

.

.

" _What the hell are you—mmph!"_

That bastard… that cold-hearted, arrogant, pompous, cocky bastard! She wished that he hadn't restrained her in such a way where her hands were at her side, pressed harshly against her body, and completely useless to her, so that she could grab at his hair and pull with all the strength that she could muster. Hopefully, she'd rip out those silky black locks that hung on his face…

And the cause of this unbridled fury was that today, on a sweet Monday morning, a few weeks after all was good since she had her classes changed, he did what she had dreamed of: walked into the class, pulled her up from her seat, and kissed her.

It was something she hadn't expected him to do. And not even as he continued to move his lips against her own, and slowly delve his tongue into her mouth (she briefly wondered why it was that her body was allowing him to do these things to her, while every person in the classroom watched), and began to explore her hot, wet cavern, was she able to believe it.

The motion forced her body to lock-up as she began to experience those touches that she hadn't felt for what seemed to be eternity. And it seemed like that had been enough to light her entire body on fire, again, because she was close to squirming as he pressed her body harder against his.

" _Mmm…"_ The moan was ripped from her throat, and she could feel him smirk against her lips. She would've frowned had he not been a master at distracting her with his tongue.

When he finally let her breathe, her face was flushed and her lips and the inside of her mouth surely held a coating of his saliva. She breathed heavily as he placed his forehead against hers and said to her softly,  _"Go out on a date with me."_

She refused to give in, despite the way her body was tingling.  _"Fuck… you…"_

" _That's a dirty mouth you have there — allow me to make it—"_

" _Uchiha-san, release Haruno-san and get to class."_ She thanked the big guy upstairs as her teacher walked into the room, and ordered the male to put her down. Thankfully, he hadn't been there when said male had assaulted her mouth, but that didn't make the situation any less embarrassing.

The male student released her, and she made sure to fix her uniform and act as if whatever it was that just happened was nothing important to her, as he licked his lips and left the class.

Her heart never stopped beating so harshly, and her lips never stopped tingling, as she tried to pay attention and avoid the aftermath of what had just happened to her, at the beginning of class. Damn.

.

.

A kiss on Monday…

A make-out session on Tuesday…

Some groping on Wednesday…

A little sexual teasing on Thursday...

And by Friday, she had lost her sanity and was once again letting him penetrate her. She honestly hated herself for giving-up rather quickly, after he kissed her. But he ignited feelings that she thought were long-gone; which had actually just been buried so deeply that she thought them to be nonexistent.

But they were always there — always trying to be noticed, again. And it had taken them to make physical contact, again, to be the match that lit them.

And man was that flame  _burning_!

" _I hate you…"_  She muttered into his ear as she held on tightly to his body. He was unbuttoning her shirt with a single hand while he used the other to massage her breast, and pressed her farther against the wall using the rest of his body. She hated how good he was at multitasking.

He smirked as he got the white school blouse unbuttoned, and grabbed both of her breasts with his large hands. They were more-than-big-enough to grab onto her somewhat small mounds, but he didn't necessarily care about the size, as much as he did about the fact that he finally had her — after a good two months of struggling to get this girl's attention after all that they'd done together, he was finally able to touch her, again.

.

.

It was something that he had been wanting to do, since he first realized that she was the girl at the party — the girl who had rocked his world. And he'd be lying if he said that he didn't want to spend another night with her, despite being committed to his pretty girlfriend.

But he forgot about the red-headed girl as he finally had the little pink vixen in his claws. A sweet, submissive little thing, that made some of the nicest sounds that he'd ever heard while he delivered nothing but pleasure to the both of them. And those weeks where he took her when and where he wanted, had spoiled him into making him believe that she was his toy and he could do with her what he pleased.

He supposed that was his biggest mistake.

He thought that she was disposable, despite how much his body had begun to crave wanting to be with her. It was a physical attraction — mainly because he hadn't ever taken the time to get to know this girl who had been warming his bed for months, and doing as he said without a second-thought.

That was why he suffered so much when she was no longer with him. When he couldn't just simply reach out and touch her, or take her somewhere private.

His body had grown possessive with each moment he spent with her, and he hated the fact that he was without her. But he had brushed-off these feelings, which, at the time he believed was just sex withdrawal, and resolved to getting back together with his ex-girlfriend to fill the void.

It worked… until that day in the girls' locker room where he heard her voice for the first time in weeks, and learned some very shocking things about her.

She'd been sleeping with his girlfriend. In the moments when he wasn't with her, she was with the red-head and the two were doing things that were nothing less than sexual, wherever they could — out of frustration, his girlfriend had said to him when she tried to desperately explain her motives.

But he didn't care about the motives. He just cared about the fact that she was playing them  _both_. It was something that he'd never seen any person do. She had the balls to sleep with both of them, while maintaining a certain level of innocence…

Needless to say, that was where his curiosity with her, began. Yes he was angry at her for doing such a thing, but he respected it, as well. Not many could pull one over on him, and those who did were males who used dirty tricks. But she was a female who looked incapable of harming anyone in any way, and yet she'd managed to fool them both and possibly get from them what he assumed, she wanted: a relationship with one of them.

He wasn't sure whether it was him, or his girlfriend, but he'd be damned if he lost to a female. No way would his male pride swell from that. So he began to see just who it was that she wanted, by showing interest in her.

And fuck him if he didn't begin to fall for this girl; who played hard-to-get like no other, and delivered some of the worst turn-downs that he'd ever seen and heard. She was bitch. A sassy little bitch who looked as if she wanted to chop off his genitals and shove them down his throat, whenever she saw him.

It was an odd attraction. But it was there, nonetheless.

He began to like the way that she was different from the fan-girls, and had a dark side to her, like no other. Many females had shown their so-called  _dark sides_  to him in the hopes of getting his attention, but he could see past them all and their facades. But he could tell that her dark side was real, and that it grasped him like a powerful magnet to metal.

That was why he did the things he did. That was why he went to such lengths to get to her, before he snapped and decided on talking the less subtle approach and just take her.

He wanted this girl for the fact that she was unique, and he could see himself with her, for a long time. Not… marriage, long, but definitely until-the-end-of-high-school-or-college long, and that was more than enough for him.

.

.

" _You ass…"_  She cursed; the way he liked it.

Her blunt fingernails were digging into his scalp and he was groaning in both pain and pleasure as she pulled on his hair. He was taking her the hardest he ever had, and he was certain that he was seeing white spots in his eyes as he got closer and closer to his climax.

She had already cum about… twice, he believed. He was unsure. He was too wrapped around the feelings that she was giving him, to pay attention to how many times she had managed to get to her release.

" _You better not cum inside me… or I swear, I'll_ _murder_ _you."_

He scoffed; turning her around so that her back was to him, and she was leaning on the old desk in the janitor closet, while his hands were on her hips and he continued pumping in and out of her.  _"Why not? You liked it before…"_ He tried to keep his voice as steady as possible as the pressure built-up in his penis, and he felt her walls start to tighten.

" _Ngh… don't… I can f-feel you growing inside me… don't cum in…"_

He was closer and closer, but he'd be damned if he let himself go before she did, despite the pink-haired beauty having lost that little competition, a while ago.

" _Damn…"_ He muttered; it was becoming too much.

" _Don't you dare."_ She hissed as she felt his nails dig deeper into the sensitive skin of her hips. She was certain that the skin there was bruised, and that she'd have to apply some medication to her wounds when she got home, later.  _"T-today isn't a safe day. If you cum in me… I'll get p-pregnant."_

For a moment, his mind was frozen in time as his brain registered what she had just said. He didn't recall her ever mentioning when it was okay to ejaculate inside of her, back when they were still having their affair. He assumed that it was because she was on birth control or something — and it seemed like she had given it up, after that period in the past months where they weren't together, at all.

The very thought of having a child with her was… tolerable. It was odd, but he didn't cringe at the idea of getting this girl pregnant, and starting a family with her. It was something that he could even enjoy, if he had to be honest.

In fact… it was rather tempting.

It would bond her to him, forever, and she could never leave his side — but with her stubborn attitude, he wasn't sure just how true that was. This girl wasn't an idiot. If she wanted to leave him at some point in the future, she would surely be able to find out a way to do so, without him knowing.

But he'd be lying if that didn't make the thought of releasing him inside of her, more attractive to him.

" _Uchiha_ _…"_ She hissed.  _"Pull. Out..."_

Yet as tempting as the offer was, he wasn't one to do that to this girl. He wouldn't dare impregnate her when she clearly didn't want to have a child with him. (Something that he was now determined to change, because this girl looked like the perfect person to bear him strong, little Uchiha children). So he pulled-out and came on her back.

Like a gentleman.

.

.

" _I fucking hate you…"_

*smirk*

" _I know…"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah. That's it. See, Sasuke and Sakura do end-up together. Just not like others were probably hoping. Yeah. I would've showed their future, but I thought it'd be perfect to end it there. This is the final chapter, and I believe that it was a successful little project.
> 
> I've always loved the idea of making Sakura the tough one and having Sasuke be the one to work for her attention; and when they finally get together, she never truly loves him. I'd turn it into a full-blown fanfic, but that'll be later on in my career as a writer — when I have everything where I want it to be. So yeah, it'll take a while, but it'll definitely happen.
> 
> ~~If you have any questions regarding what happens next, feel free to ask me and I'll reply. This story is over and I don't want people to be angry over the cliffhanger. Besides, it's not like I can spoil it or anything. :)~~
> 
> ~~Please give me any last comments, in a review, and you guys can expect another project from me, this spring break. Thank you for supporting this story — I appreciate it.~~
> 
> Next Chapter: (I contradict the first paragraph of this note by having an) Epilogue.


	6. The Things We Can Never Have

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, "Sexuality" was the end of _Sexuality_. Then when I got back into writing fan-fiction, I decided to do a sequel to it because I felt that the original ending left some questions unanswered—and... I really like this uncaring Sakura. I do. So I made this and posted it as its own fic, but it's obviously much better suited as a direct epilogue more easily accessed.
> 
> So here it is! The true ending!! Maybe... I really love this characterization for Sakura, okay?!

Graduation.

In any academic career, it was the bulls-eye that one always aimed for. It was part of a set of milestones that was expected that everyone completed if they wanted to be successful in life. Whether one would admit to it or not, graduating was seen as one of the happiest moments in life.

" _I did it!"_ A person could scream to the heavens, holding an important rolled-up parchment in their hand.  _"I finally did it! I graduated!"_

But this happy moment was not seen by her as such. Waiting for her name to be called among the rows of the graduating class, she was only eager to finally accept the parchment, as it marked an escape route for her that she had unknowingly been digging for these past few years.

Turning her head slightly, she caught sight of the spiky-haired boy and red-haired girl who had made her past year-and-a-half of school, far too eventful for her liking. Albeit it being her fault for making such a bad move in the first place, they were the ones who kept it going for as long as they did — were and are.

As soon as she received that diploma, she would be free of the two of them. No longer would she have to be in their presence; having the spiky-haired boy stare her down with beastly looks that tried to reel her in with the promise of a pleasure that she did not care for. No longer would she have to be the receiver of dirty and hateful looks from the red-haired girl as she continued to loathe her very existence for betraying her in such a way.

( _I thought I loved you once, I honestly thought that was the case — but turns out that this was just my mind playing tricks on me. I never loved you; neither of you. I simply loved the holes in my life being filled by your existences — I was drawn to what you did, not to you as a person, but as a pawn for my selfish and unknowing desires._ )

In her mind she had told the both of them that, and in reality as well. She had done so when they confronted her and asked for an explanation — when she had still continued to have a sexual relationship with the spiky-haired boy, because what other choice did she have? To not feel loved or wanted was something that was unnerving her, as it bit away at an insecurity that grew within her as she tried to reach a certain stable level of happiness.

She turned away from them and decided to look towards the future. Once she had the diploma in hand, the key to everything, she would only spend a few days at home before going off to her college. As she was studying abroad, it was imperative that she made it there as soon as she possibly could, get used to the atmosphere and begin to adapt, and then once classes finally started, she would have little obstacles in her way. She would be able to focus on her studies more intently, and have a greater sense of freedom as she was no longer locked in a cage in this country of Japan.

She tapped her feet in anticipation.

( _Come on… come on… call my name already — give me my freedom._ )

.

.

" **Haruno Sakura."**

.

.

( _Finally!_ )

_._

_._

_It was not quite the immediate freedom that she wanted, but she didn't mind spending just one more night in the cage. It was to be expected, no? After all, it was the same as graduating from her high school. She knew that despite how happy she had been when she finally got that paper in her hand and said her final words as valedictorian and marked the end of her and her classmates' high school careers, in a few years, she would look back at those days and miss them. Such was her case today; one more night of being in the cage before she fully broke free and never looked back — she swore._

.

.

As such, she had agreed to attend the surprise graduation party that the members of the church that her family went to, were throwing for her.

It had not been as surprising to her as some would think.

(—her mother was the pastor of the church, the very reason why she was so strict when it came to her raising of her only daughter. As pastor, she was loved by them all, and respected greatly. She had, after all, bought the gargantuan space with her own money and rescued the once-burnt building from crumbling into inexistence. She had an active hand in the construction, recruited with a passion that drew others in with little effort, and made sure that there were no problems in the building, and that the teachings were accurate.

The religion seemed to be given a whole new life by the hand of her mother. The members of the church greatly appreciated this, and whenever something happened to her mother or her or her father, they always showed her mother thanks by celebrating those moments to a great extent.

So it was not so much as something to honor her, but another way to show their appreciation for her mother by holding a large graduation celebration for her; it was rather selfish, if you asked her—)

As expected, it was held in one of the discussion halls of the church. The large space had many rooms that were just perfect for holding different-sized parties. The biggest room they had was currently being used for her and only her; overlooking the other church attendees her age that she knew graduated as well, that very day.

She mingled with them despite not wanting to. Smiling and accepting whatever it was that they offered her, she easily faked her way through the celebration until the very end when the final prayers were said for her (all variations of  _"Have faith in the Lord and you will never fall into the darkness — He will save your soul and continue to guide you on the_ _right path_ _"_ ), the party was given its end and she and her family said their goodbyes to others and stayed behind with volunteers, to help clean up the space.

By the time they finally returned to their car and were heading home, it was incredibly dark and the clock read 8:30pm. As the celebration had started at around 4-4:30, she had been forced to stay in that particular section of her cage for over four hours.

.

.

She most definitely  _would not miss it_.

.

.

" _Good night, Sakura. Make sure to get up early tomorrow morning so that you can finish packing for your flight to Germany."_

" _Good night, Mother. Thank you for everything."_

.

.

She fell back against her bed in a moment of sheer bliss. Pressing her favorite pillow to her face, she let out sighs of happiness as she inhaled the sweet, sweet scent that it gave off. Groaning in a somewhat erotic manner as the smell brought back memories and feelings that she had regrettably not been able to experience since her last day with its previous owner, her mind wandered as it tried to grasp the extent of her words.

That had been it.

That church service today was certainly her last one. Never again would she have to be in that stifling atmosphere with a well-drawn mask placed on her face that fooled everyone. Ah, if she was allowed to openly speak her mind or was fully-invested in the church, she knew that it would not have been as bad as it seemed. But that boat had sunk years ago due to an enigma of a cannonball that blasted a hole through and allowed her to feel sunshine; no matter how brief that moment had been.

That goodbye to her mother — it had been it.

It was exactly what needed to be said and done, showing off a perfect example of just what it was that she was about to leave behind. No more cold and overbearing mother; no more fake prayers and useless skims of the Holy Scriptures. No more memorizing of songs that she was forced to sing with a clarity that she honestly did not want, or be the lead of in the choir.

No more… no more…

She would be free forevermore…

.

.

A few hours later, she was dressed in a new set of clothes — a great difference from the respectful and proper young lady of society attire that she had worn earlier that day. She had shed the knee-length and long-sleeved dress for her two-piece pajama set, and had now shed that for some clothing more appropriate for the night of debauchery that awaited her.

In the past months, her secret wardrobe had escalated from tight jeans and a midriff to little black dresses that were meant to hug her body as though it were a second skin. The one she wore went down to her thighs and had long sleeves, with loose moments in the fabric that hid her body shape, but still managed to make her look very attractive. The stretch bands at the end of the sleeves and bottom of the dress, as well as the neckline were what hugged her body best. The neckline hung low on her shoulders, attached to her biceps. It showed off her figure quite well despite how loose it was, and paired with the black strapped heels that she wore, the illusion of longer legs was given to her.

She pulled back her pink hair with a black headband and wore pearl earrings and had some gold bangles on her wrist. With a small touch of pink lip-gloss and some eyeliner, she looked every part of an older and more mature female that was out to hunt for a male companion for the night.

(That was not the case, though. Despite her clothing, she wore it only as a way to tease the spiky-haired boy, who had invited her to attend the celebration for their graduating class. Seeing as how one last run was the perfect way to kiss it off, she agreed and had settled on going all-out in this last lap of her caged life. She could already feel his sexual advances, all of which she would turn down until he could take no more — but by that point, she would already have drunk herself into oblivion and wouldn't give a care in the world.)

She finished her look, grabbed whatever it was that she would need, and the text on the cell-phone that had been awarded to her some while back, told her that her ride was outside. Opening the window of her room, she thanked having it on the first floor of her house as she easily slid out, closed the window and made her way across her lawn and soon entered the slick black car of the dark-haired male.

He eyed her as she entered, inhaled her perfume, and could have taken her then and there if it weren't for the fact that she sat in the back and told him,  _"Hurry up. I don't want the bar to be out of anything good to drink because you were pathetically slow."_

.

.

She truly made things go at her own pace.

.

.

(She would admit that in the past few months, she had gone through a dramatic change. Compared to when her exploration of different sexualities began, she was much more crueler, unforgiving. She coldly brushed off his attempts to get closer to her — going far beyond what she had done when he first pursued an honest-to-goodness relationship with her.

She had had several side-relationships besides him. Some including females, others a quick fling with another male. She'd even taken part in a few threesomes that, while intriguing to do, weren't exactly something that she always wanted to do. Having to compete for someone's attention — that's not something that she's liked.

She had developed a taste for alcohol. She had honestly thought that she'd start smoking the same brand as the one who shook her world, but that had not been the case. She had never drank alcohol until one night when this male that she was currently with had taken her to a club. She had refused all types of alcohol, but had unknowingly drunk some that was clear and was supposedly "tinted water", as he had called it. She didn't remember much after that, but like usual, the two of them had woken-up in a hotel and the spiky-haired boy seemed quite pleased with himself. One would think that she would be mad, but she knew that they would end up there.

And she loved the feeling.

Not having been able to remember a single thing from the past night, she loved that alcohol made the time they spent together, shorter. She loved that she was in a whole other world while under its influence and that she could tolerate annoying existences longer.

Now, wherever they went, she didn't hesitate in accepting a drink.  _"Gimme one that'll make the night short,"_ she would always say to the bartender or waiter who asked for what they wanted. And they always pleasantly delivered.

How she loved that world. In it the presence of the spiky-haired boy was replaced fully, and she could dream that the one that she was with was the green-streaked girl that her heart had locked on since a few months back, when she realized that the one she truly wanted to be with, was the one who would determine whether she was "ruined" or not.)

.

.

The party that they were going to was in honor of their graduation. The committee of seniors planning it had managed to rent-out a factory that was always used for gathering, and was the perfect location to go crazy. It was by the pier and they could be as loud as they wanted, without the cops having to come, as the factory was infamous for its wild parties that never needed police-intervention.

Already things were in full-swing when they arrived, and while the blaring music and colorful lights made it seem like the perfect place to be, she honestly couldn't care less. All she wanted to do was get in, sit down, and get the drinks rolling.

The spiky-haired boy parked the car and she got out without him. She headed to the entrance without him. She found a seat and called a waiter without him. (He was just an unnecessary accessory to her, with little actual function.) He got there when the waiter was just about to leave, managing to put his own order in just in time before sitting across from her. As she was not interested in him at all besides the end of this evening that would mark the official end of this arc in her life, she paid no attention to him or his words.

" _You look beautiful tonight…"_

" _Congratulations on being valedictorian."_

" _What are you going to do as your career?"_

" _What college are you going to?"_

"… _Can I get at least_ _one_ _response?"_

She kept her attention everywhere but on him; the loud music and movement of bodies trying to mold into each other, easily giving her something to direct it to besides the annoyance that was the spiky-haired male. She kept her eyes on the bar and the door; watching people that looked much more interesting than the one person that she was with, come in and out.

(The red-haired girl was there. She came in with a group of friends that stuck-out easily in the underground atmosphere. They kept looking left and right, excited and somewhat nervous as to the space, and huddled closely together. That was the only entertaining thing about them; the fact that this was the first time that they were ever in that type of underground atmosphere.)

She watched more patrons come in, and the waiter finally arrived with their drinks. She didn't hesitate in taking the glass and straw that was given to her, and starting on her drink — her eyes still on the door and watching more people come in and few people go out.

There were several people that weren't from her school, and they tended to be the ones who went out with an annoyed look on their face. While they had rented it, that didn't mean that the managers of this place had sent out information saying that the space was in private use. In fact, she was sure that they would never do that as it meant more income for the night. But while they went out, they later came back in and mixed with her graduate class to the point where they all looked the same to her.

Watching the night go on, she was halfway done with her drink when a new set of people carrying instrument cases came in.

It was an all-girls band that—

.

.

She nearly choked on her drink.

.

.

" _What's wrong?"_

She ignored the male and grabbed the nearest set of napkins as she began to wipe her face. Trying to see if what she saw was truly reality and not her eyes playing tricks on her, she stood from the booth and tried to get a better look. Eventually she stood on the chair to see the crowd much better; her eyes focusing on one person.

When she spotted them, she analyzed them at a great pace.

( _No…. it couldn't be…_ )

" _Sakura?"_

She left the booth and the male there behind and began to make her way through the crowd. Her aim was the backstage where the band group of girls was headed to set up for the live performance that would later take place that night.

It was hard cutting through the dance-floor and teenagers that were interested in things opposite of hers and could not sense nor cared that she was in a hurry, but eventually she made it through. As there was no guard, she easily got into the back of the stage and did her best to search without getting caught; just in case this was a mistake and could cause her some trouble.

When she finally located the one that she had been looking for, her heart stopped. She watched the girl closely and studied everything about her.

She had an athletic body with a nice shape to it that was properly shown in the jeans that she wore and the midriff that she had on with the black straps of her bra, which held up a pair of averagely-sized breasts, showing. She wore boots that had spikes on top of the area where her toes were, and her hair was a solid black color with one lone, long green streak on the left side that slightly covered her eye depending on how much movement there was. Her eyes were what stood out to her the most; mismatched with one blue and the other yellow. There were silver ball piercings in the dimples of her cheeks that she noticed off of the glint they gave. There was a tattoo on her wrist that she mistook for a bracelet, whose pattern she could not identify. But what she focused on most was the brand of the pack of cigarettes that stuck out from her back pocket.

She knew that brand; it was the same brand that she would burn on both ends and just inhale as a sense of nostalgia and euphoria overcame her.

.

.

" _Kin, where's the extension for my guitar? Did we bring it?"_

.

.

She couldn't breathe.

.

.

( _K-kin… Kin… Kin… i-it's really her… it's really Kin…!_ )

Her hands went up to clutch at her chest. Her nails dug into the cloth and the skin underneath as her heart pounded violently on end.

( _It's not a coincidence, right? T-this isn't a joke, right? The Kin here is the one that… the one that I've missed so much, right? The one who started to mess me up, the one who helped me break free from my bubble, the one who got me so confused and bitter and angry and sad that she forced me to realize that there was more to life and helped me be more normal, the one who forced my mom to send me off for three years to another school because she felt that I was becoming impure._

 _The one who… the one who…_ )

She could feel herself choking up as she watched another band-mate come up to the girl and speak to her. It was all very similar to all those years ago. She spoke the same, had the same attitude, and her movements and the way she twirled an absent cigarette in her hand was the same. She even wore the same black nail-polish as back then.

( _That has to be her… The one I've wanted to see again for so long!_

 _The one who made me fall in love!_ )

.

.

She debated whether she should go forward and talk to her. A large part of her wanted to run into her arms and cry and have the type of heart-touching reunion that meant that all would be good and perfect in the world and that she would no longer have to struggle on the battlefield of love in life because she was with the one who had unknowingly stolen her heart all those years ago and then left her life abruptly and all would just be perfect from here on out.

It was what she  _craved_  like no other.

But the more sober part of her said that there were faults in that. What if she didn't remember her? What if those few weeks that they had spent when she was young and foolish and blind were meaningless to her and just another… fling? What if one of the most life-changing moments in her life were useless and just another regular set of days for her and nothing special enough for her to remember?

What if… what if…

These what-ifs kept her back. These what ifs were what forced her to start to creep away from the girl. These what-ifs, while supposedly minor, had an effect on her that could break her down if they turned out to be true. They could destroy her — they could  _ruin_  her.

With shaky breaths she began to move back and head out. Her feet felt like they had anchors on the bottom of them as she continued to head to the exit of the backstage area.

She couldn't handle having these what-ifs be true, and her fantasies of love and a struggle ending be false. She preferred being in her current world, dreaming about happiness with her Kin and a heart-stopping romance that brought miracle tears to her eyes, while having a reality that was much less crueler.

In a week she would be in Germany, and there she would be more free and could hopefully find a new source of happiness there. She would continue to dream about the day where she would meet her Kin and they would have an endless love that no one could ever experience no matter how much they tried. That was safer. That was better; that would keep her from shattering if she ever heard this Kin that she was looking at say,  _"Who're you?... Sakura?... I don't remember any Sakura."_

.

.

" _Hey, A-tan, I thought I asked you to go back to the van and get the— wait a minute… you're not A-tan... Who are—"_

The world wouldn't let her continue to live in her fantasies, apparently, as the one whom she had gone into a debate over approached her, having confused her for someone else. The sound of her voice nearby had startled her that she couldn't move, and while she hoped that she would continue to think that she was this "A-tan" person that she was talking about, that had not been the case.

It had worked for a moment, but she deciphered that she was not the one that she was looking for.

" _Sa…kura…?"_

The sound of her name made her turn around, and she came face-to-face with those seem blue and yellow eyes that, years ago, she believed were a sign that could help her decipher the truth that was the world.

(—because blue and yellow made green, and her eyes were green—)

Her green eyes widened as she looked at her more and more. The longer she looked, the longer her mind was able to evolve that image of Kin from years ago, from when she first met her at a social church gathering that her parents threw, into a much older version of her that she was looking at now.

_If Kin dyed her hair back to its original black, but kept a lone green streak that grew and grew… If Kin got herself a tattoo of… flowers on her wrist a few years later… If Kin continued to grow at a regular pace, if Kin kept the piercings in her cheeks, if Kin kept smelling like peppermint with the distinctive cigarette smoke surrounding her…_

" _K-kin…"_ She finally said.

.

.

" _I can't talk with you now, but I will later. Since you can't stay backstage unless we're here, go stand in the front row and listen. Then you can come back here when I'm here, and I'll introduce you to the girls and we can hang, okay?"_

" _Okay."_

.

.

The performance was great. With a weight lifted off of her shoulders that just moments ago seemed as though it would crush her, she fully enjoyed the group as they struck cords and created the perfect marriage of vocals to go along with it that just added to the atmosphere of the factory-club and made everything seem better.

She had received a surprise in the middle of the performance when Kin pulled her up on the stage and said that she would sing with them. She'd been hesitant to do so, saying that she couldn't sing (a clear lie since she was in the choir at the church that she would never go to again), but Kin saw through this and told her that all would be fine; she just had to sing a few notes that matched the ones she sung.

She did so. And during the performance, she was able to sing while looking into Kin's eyes, as though the two of them were serenading each other.

It was heavenly, and in the end of it as the crowd cheered, she looked out into the audience of her graduating class mixed with the regular patrons of the club, and had somehow spotted the spiky-haired boy.

He looked grumpy; he had probably been trying to find her since she ran off, and now that he finally saw her having fun by herself as she was up on the stage, he was none-too-happy that she was fooling around without him. But even his face couldn't put a damper on her mood; a sense of happiness that not even alcohol could bring her. Looking at his face, she only saw her past, and looking at Kin, she saw both a long, unforgiving past and a possible future brighter than the stars.

.

.

A while later, when half of the full performance was over and the band was scheduled for a break, Kin said goodbye to her band-mates for the time being and the two of them began to hang out together. They got a booth on the barely second floor of the factory and began to talk while drinking lightly; normally she would ask for something much, much heavier, but for once, she didn't want to have alcohol wipe her memory clean of the events that would go on that night.

Even if it was just the moments of when she met Kin and sang with her, she wished that she could have life record them and replay them over and over in her mind.

_They talked about a lot of things._

Kin told her about the band and how they got started; how she did it on a whim after coming to that very place and wanting to perform there. She talked about how she had graduated that year too (that very morning), and was planning on going around the world before she settled done in some foreign country and lived there for as long as she wanted. She had no clear plan for the future; she just wanted to be happy.

She responded by stating some of the basics; she left out things such as her exploration of the opposite and same sex, and the current situation that she was in, but she told Kin that she graduated too, and was planning on heading to Germany and study medicine.

" _The world is your oyster, Sak."_  Kin commented, finding the things that she was telling her to be quite impressive.

" _It's nothing; I just got lucky."_

They continued their conversation, which, with a bowl of cheese-covered fries shared between the two, led to less light topics and they talked about some of the things that they had to go through.

Kin had been living alone after her parents kicked her out for finding out that she enjoyed the touch of the same sex, among other things. She had been saved by her girlfriend at the time, and had gotten used to living alone and managed to find her own place after the two of them broke-up. She had managed to keep-up with her studies and graduated fairly high in her class ranking, and had even been accepted to some top-class universities to study art and music.

She then told her about her struggles with her parents and some of the changes that she went through. Kin seemed surprised about these things, but told her that she could tell that she had reset her life quite a number of times.

" _It's just in the way you speak and look, Sak. I had a hard time believing that it was you because you looked_ _nothing_ _like that girl I met when she was still oblivious to the harsh cruelties of life… Ah… I wonder what caused this."_ She winked at her, stating that she knew that it was all her fault. Her face lit up like a red Christmas light at this, before she looked away and sipped at her drink silently.

Kin laughed.

.

.

" _I won't be able to talk to you again later today — we've got other things to do. But… if you want… you can come along."_

She didn't have to think about it.

" _I'd love to!"_

.

.

The next morning, she woke up in unfamiliar territory. It was a place she didn't know, nor the one she usually woke up at. There were smells and colors around her that she had no clue could be combined together, and while she was nude and there was a satisfying feeling coming off of her body that told her something  _good_  had happened, looking to her side, there was no one there.

Confused, she began to walk around.

She found the dress that she had worn and put it on without any underwear after an unsuccessful scavenger hunt for them. Feeling around, she found that she wasn't in a hotel room, but someone's personal room. The bottles of liquor on a table to the side of the bed gave her an explanation as to why she couldn't remember a thing, and the headache that she had (the only reason she wasn't affected by it much was because she had expected something like this to happen, and actually found some solace in it).

Looking for something that could help her clearly identify where it was that she was, she let out a small gasp of surprise as the bedroom door opened.

The one who came in was a beautiful female that wore nothing but a sports bra and tight shorts, and held a coffee mug in her hand. It took her awhile, but the sight of her colorings suddenly made everything come into play and she couldn't help the smile that broke out on her face.

" _I knew you would have more skill than back then, but I must say that I was pleasantly surprised. Come on. Take off that dress and come have breakfast with me."_

" _You… want me to eat naked?"_

" _I never said you had to be naked, but I'm not stopping you."_

*smirk*

*blush*

" _Feel free to wear what you want; I think we're the same size, more or less. I'll be waiting for you down the hall, Sak."_

.

.

That morning was one of the best. Sitting there with Kin and having breakfast and just being able to talk and be herself was the greatest thing she had ever experienced. Everything prior to that moment — to that night that led to this wonderful moment — had suddenly paled in comparison (even when they first met was dulled down compared to the magnificence of what was happening now).

She laughed and joked. She got to hear Kin play a beautiful melody on her acoustic guitar and she could feel her heart just began to swell as it got recharged with this much needed feel of love that was just erupting from their time together.

In Kin's oversized shirt and with a pair of similar shorts to hers, on, the free feeling she got was not just metaphorical but also physical.

They watched some movies, ate whatever was in the fridge and even chased each other around the house a couple times. Even though it'd been a few hours, it felt like they had been living together for centuries on end. And eventually, she found herself pressed against a wall with Kin giving her a shower of kisses that needed no extra help in making her feel like she was on fire.

Her hands found themselves in Kin's black hair and as Kin worked her way down from her neck, she was forced to hold onto whatever else was near her to help her keep a grip on life. As the wall was a flat surface, she stretched and found its corner that led in and out of it, and held onto that. She tried to hold in her voice as Kin pushed all the right buttons and got the perfect reactions, but she eventually couldn't hold it in anymore when the sensations became too much.

" _Ah, Sak… your moans are so cute…"_

" _Ngh… K-kin… Ah!"_ She was certain that if her life was being drawn out, there would have been hearts at the end of each sentence that came out of her mouth.

When she couldn't keep herself propped up on the wall anymore, Kin giggled and helped her back up. In a haze they went to the closest surface that they could use, the couch in the living room, and continued off there. Their limbs entangled, their bodies pressed against each other endlessly, and their mouths found different places to kiss and meet.

Eventually everything went white multiple times and she snuggled into Kin at the very end; and once again that glorious peppermint smell was mixed in with her cigarette smoke as Kin lit one just like she always did.

She stared at the light with a content smile on her face, and Kin, having sensed that she was being stared at, turned around to look at her and let out a brief laugh.

" _This can be considered voyeurism, you know. You're staring at me while I'm naked — don't make me get handcuffs and arrest you."_

" _I doubt you'd arrest me with those handcuffs."_

As though to reward her, Kin kissed her with the cigarette smoke still in her mouth. Just like on the night of their first meeting, the bitter sweet taste of what was naturally Kin combined with the cigarette smoke entered her mouth — but unlike that night, she loved it more than she hated it; she didn't hate it at all.

Kin removed her mouth, and she let loose the cigarette smoke that had been placed inside of her. Kin laughed (oh how she loved that laugh), and then said something that seemed to just make her heart melt to its capacity.

" _I got this tattoo because of you."_  She said as she showed her, her left hand and brought her attention to the flower-design tattoo on her wrist.  _"After those few weeks, I couldn't forget about you. You could say that I was worried or that I missed you, but I know that there was more love mixed in there than anything. This world is fucked up and I was scared as to how it would treat you, so I got it as a sort of… offering to it so that nothing bad would ever happen to you…."_

" _Kin…"_

" _I love you, Sakura, I honestly do. I never want anything terrible to happen to you. I want you to be happy and healthy and live the life you want. I want—"_

She stopped her by kissing her. Kin was caught off guard, but accepted it. The kiss was sweet and short, but it meant more than any of the other kisses they had ever shared. When it was over, they pulled away slowly.

" _Sakura…"_

" _I… I missed you so much. I was confused at first and wasn't sure about what I wanted — I didn't know if the people I wanted to be with were truly the ones that were meant for me — but in the end, I went back to you. For_ _months_ _I've wanted to see you and be with you. I've wanted you to hold me and kiss me and love me and make me feel… happy. Kin, if you truly want me to be happy, then… then… let me be with you. And let me love you to the very end…_ _Please_ _…"_

.

.

" _Sakura… I… I'm not good for you. I'm a terrible person, trust me."_

" _I don't care."_

" _I'll hurt you. I really will."_

" _I don't care."_

" _You have such a bright future and all I'll ever do is struggle for everything I have. Right now is fun, but I don't want to hold you back."_

" _My future was fabricated for me. So I don't care."_

"… _Love won't last forever."_

" _I don't care."_

" _I'll probably fuck you up real good at one point."_

" _You already did that… and I don't care."_

"… _How positive are you that you'll love being with me?"_

"… _I've never been so happy in my life."_

"…  _Fine then, but on one condition."_

" _What's that?"_

.

.

" _Just for today, we're dating; since it's still early, we'll do the stupid things couples do and tomorrow I'll take you to the airport and then and there you can decide whether you wanna stay here and try to be with me, or go off to Germany."_

.

.

They did just that, and the entire time, she was on cloud nine. After bathing and changing into a set of clothes that Kin allowed her to borrow for the day (they really were the same size in most everything), they went out into the public and hung-out. She was nervous that someone she knew or her parents knew would see them hanging out the way they did, but when they entered an area she knew those people would never go to, she felt safe.

Kin took her to a tattoo parlor; the very one she had gone to when she went to get her one and only tattoo. She was anxious going in and as they talked to the tattooed female that would give her, her first tattoo, and she felt like fleeing once she sat down and saw the needle come close to her.

But she was slightly reassured as Kin held her other hand; her right hand was extended for the skilled artist to puncture and mark her skin, permanently.

" _It… it won't hurt too much, right?"_

" _If you can't handle pain, you might wanna use something to cover your mouth, sweetheart."_

" _Don't worry, Sak, I'm right here for you."_

Having Kin there had seemed to make the experience less painful. She suffered and it hurt and she was crying by one point, but she couldn't help but feel that all of it was worth it. In the end of it, when all the extra ink and the blood that emerged was wiped away and she looked at the flower-band tattoo that perfectly matched the one Kin had on her left arm, and the two placed them side-by-side to see the exact resemblance, her heart swelled.

( _This is what happiness feels like… isn't it?_ )

A promise between them done in eternal ink…

She felt no regrets.

.

.

Later in the day, she was forced to go home. She had realized that there were other things she needed to do that day when she saw just what time it was and everything became clear. She was sad that she had to leave in such a hurry, and while Kin offered to drive her back to her house since they were quite the distance away, she knew that if Kin took her back and her mom saw her, there would be more problems than she liked.

So she accepted the money Kin gave her for a cab, and said a momentary goodbye to her. She would be coming back later that day with her things, and spend the night until Kin drove her to the airport the following morning.

Arriving home, she made sure to hide the tattoo that she had gotten with the large sweater that Kin let her borrow. Luckily, she was kind enough to lend her a pair of jeans that looked like she could own them, and some shoes so that she could go back home looking like herself and not someone else. With her hangover having left a few hours ago, she was as prepared as she could ever be to go back home.

The only thing she wasn't ready for were the spiky-haired boy and the cops that waited for her as she got back.

.

.

" _Mother, Father, what… is going on?"_

Her mother looked furious.

" _Where have you been?! I'm forced to wake-up in the middle of the night to receive a call telling me that not only had you snuck out of the house, but were also dragged off to God knows where by a pair of scantily-clad hooligans! That is_ _not_ _how I raised you, Sakura, you know better than that!"_

Suddenly she understood the whole situation. The spiky-haired boy had gotten mad that she ditched him and made up some fallacy of a story to make sure that when she got back, if ever, there would be nothing but a mountain of problems waiting for her. Oh how she wanted to glare him into his death, but with the presence of her mother, she had to make sure that she was on her best behavior.

" _I know, and that is why I am confused as to why this had to go to such an extent. I did not go-off in the middle of the night. I left early in the morning to—"_

" _Don't_ _lie to me_ _, Sakura. If that had been the case and you simply left with no evil intentions, then why was your window left ajar? Hm? The door was locked but the window was open; you snuck out and kept the door locked to make sure that your father and I wouldn't know."_

" _You terrible, terrible daughter. I cannot believe that you would ever do such a thing. Surely Satan, himself, has possessed you and ruined you, you harlot."_

(She was certain there was a time when those words coming out of her mother's mouth would have hurt her; driven a stake through her heart. But after every change that she had gone through, she didn't feel anything. It didn't hurt. It annoyed her, but that was it. Mentally sighing, she listened to her mother rant.)

" _I am not a harlot — I did nothing sexual."_

" _We searched your room and found… this!"_ She gestured to a box of sexual toys and clothing. Her eyes widened. Those weren't hers. She never, ever bought something like that, nor was it given to her. So how was—

( _I see… you want to expose me in different ways, don't you, Uchiha?_ )

" _I assure you that I never bought them. Why? I do not have the money to purchase such things. You know that. You do not give me an allowance and I do not have a job. To purchase that many things would require a great deal of money; perhaps you should have these officers brush the box for fingerprints and see just_ _who_ _it was that actually bought them? That person may not have to be a criminal, but the very one you would least expect."_

" _I apologize for leaving the house without your knowing, but I grew very anxious for the things that are to come, and needed some fresh air. I left through the window so as not to wake you or Father because of my anxiousness. If you want to put me at fault for caring about your sleep, then so be it. I apologize for causing this situation — excuse me. I need to go pack."_

She tried to leave the room, but the spiky-haired boy would not let her.  _"If they're not yours, then why are there pictures around the school with you using them?"_ She paused. ( _What?_ )

" _What pictures?"_

.

.

The world seemed to go to Hell.

As her mother laid eyes on the pictures that were fabricated through the use of Photoshop (she was certain they were, as she had never used toys to pleasure herself, in her life), she had grown furious and the policemen present had to hold her back to keep her mother from coming at her.

Shocked and unsure as to what to do, she ran to her room and did all she could to barricade herself inside. She did her best to secure the door, but knew that it wouldn't hold. She had to leave; she had to get out as soon as possible.

She was glad that she had already fully packed her suitcase with everything that she would take to Germany, weeks prior. It was a small carry-on; leaving behind practically 90% of everything that she owned. She slid the window open and threw it outside. She only exited the room once she had her favorite pillow and the charger of her phone.

( _Damn you Uchiha… Damn you…!_ )

He had taken those pictures without her knowing. He had surely taken pictures of the results of them having sex, and used Photoshop to add the sex toys and all that other nonsense that was in the box. She could kill him. She could just color the floor and walls with his blood.

With everything she needed, she wasted no time in grabbing the handle of the luggage and beginning to run down the street. While she had no clue where it was that she was going, she knew that, at minimum, she needed to get to somewhere where she could collect herself and possibly call for… for… Kin. Kin had given her, her number. She'd put it and a picture of her in her cell-phone. Since it was risky to use her cell-phone to do anything, she'd get the number and call using something else.

With Kin there at her side, everything would work out fine. She could stay there for the rest of the day, and hopefully dodge her parents early the next morning if they decided to track her down at the airport and do something.

( _Damn you Uchiha… Damn you!_ )

.

.

Kin got there quickly.

She'd called from a payphone in the city park, and it had been the perfect time to do so, as Kin was heading out anyway. With her luggage in the back and her in the front, she found some solace in being in Kin's presence again, and felt safe.

" _So what happened?"_

" _This…_ _asshole_ _told my parents that I had snuck out and went off with, and I quote: scantily-clad hooligans. My mother freaked and then he planted other false evidence that he showed her and things went to Hell."_

" _No offense, but your mom's crazy and that bastard's a little bitch."_

" _None taken — I think so too."_

They drove to Kin's errands, which was getting some more food at the grocery store and then buying some other stuff for her room and the house, and she couldn't help but wonder if that stuff was for her. Did Kin have faith that she would not go to Germany and stay living with her? Because at the moment, that was what she was planning to do. She wanted to stay and live with Kin and be happy. Tomorrow, she was planning on telling her that.

" _What are all these things for?"_ She asked as they left the florist with a large set of flowers in pretty vases.

" _I can't tell you yet. You'll learn tomorrow."_

Her heart thumped at the thought that they were for her.

_._

_._

_Everything after the confrontation at her home seemed perfect. She stayed with Kin throughout the day and after dropping the things off at her house, they continued to spend the day together._

_The magic of that morning didn't end, and every now and then she would look down at her new tattoo, touch it — flinch — and just get this bright smile on her face that Kin commented was one of the most amazing things she'd ever seen. She didn't blush at that comment, but just felt her heart swell more and more._

_At the end of the day they settled on the couch in her house, cozy and warm among the sheets, and watched a set of movies that were playing in a marathon._

_There was no kissing or sexual touching, but just cuddling with one another and feeling each other's warmth._

_She thought it was the greatest happiness she could ever get._

_But she remembered what Kin said to her when they first met: '_ _Feel_ _. Never_ _think_ _.' And she knew that she was right in every way, because what she felt was far greater than what she thought it felt like._

_It was perfectly indescribable._

.

.

The following morning, she felt amazing.

She woke-up in Kin's arms, and was so giddy that she kissed her awake. Kin responded by kissing her back, and they would have gone further and done more if it weren't for the fact that Kin still believed that she was going off to Germany, and she had to play along with her until her surprise at the end.

She got dressed in the set of clothes that she'd picked out and put in the front pocket of her suitcase, did her hair in a simple ponytail, and made sure to keep the façade going. With Kin driving her to the airport, she kept staring at her tattoo, which felt much, much better than it had yesterday, and continued to smile at it because she knew that if she looked at Kin and spoke to her in that moment, she would honestly spill the fact that she wasn't going and that would ruin the whole purpose of doing it at the airport and not at the house.

They got there and she stood by the check-in with her passport and bag in hand. She stared at the board that stated the flights that were departing and arriving, and if they were on time or late, and she saw that her flight to Germany was on time.

It was a shame she'd never get on it.

" _So… I guess this is it, huh, Sak?"_

She could barely contain the excitement inside of her as Kin started to say her goodbye, and triggered the final scene for her to make the big reveal.

" _I… guess so."_

Was she smiling? She hoped she wasn't smiling and actually looked sad about leaving.

" _It sucks, too. I had a real nice time with you."_

" _Same…"_

Kin sighed.  _"Ah well…"_ She began to scratch her head and look everywhere but at her. She felt a smile want to break out on her face; a little more. A little more and she could tell Kin that she wasn't leaving and she can run into her arms as though she had just come back from a flight in Germany.  _"To think I just saw you again after all these years and now you're leaving…"_

" _I know — it's an awful situation."_

Kin let out a deep puff of air.

" _Well, I don't wanna make you late to get on your flight. This airport security check-in is a real pain in the ass. I hope to see you once again when you come back, Sak, if you ever do. See ya."_  Kin smiled at her sadly and lifted a hand in goodbye. Since her back was turned to her, she finally broke out in a smile and let her walk a few steps before finally opening her mouth to call out her name.

" _Kin!"_

She stopped mid-call. That call just now, it wasn't her.

Looking for it, she found a girl that was running in their direction, with a big and bright smile on her face and luggage in her hands. From the tags that she could spot on the luggage, it was clear that she had just come back from somewhere, as they didn't give those tags until someone checked-in.

The tags were also foreign; this could be told from the flag that she could see printed on them.

" _Kin! Kin!"_ The girl let her luggage go and let it fall on the floor. She then jumped into Kin's arms and began to hug her to death. She stood there confused as to their interaction. What was going on? Who was this girl?

The kiss that she planted on Kin's lips, and the look on her face as she whispered things into Kin's ear, made her draw a conclusion that she hoped — prayed — wasn't the case.

Finally she took notice of her and the girl (with large purple eyes and black hair that was dyed with rainbow streaks in it and styled in a long braid, and a beautiful body that was much more seductive than her own that was showed off quite nicely in the dress and flat designer sandals that she wore) removed herself slightly from Kin and began to address her indirectly.

" _Ah! Is this the girl you said were dropping off today, Kin?"_ She asked her.

" _Aa."_ Kin responded. And she turned to look at her with a look of hesitance and sadness in her eyes, that she was certain the girl could not see.  _"This is my friend Sakura. Sakura, this is my girlfriend Y—"_

.

.

( _Girl…friend...? She has a… girl…friend?_

_A close friend that's a girl or… a girl that she's dating…?_

_T-they're not dating… right? This is a mistake, right? This girl is just Kin's friend who happened to be female, right? She and Kin haven't been dating this entire time, right? Right?!_

_RIGHT?!_ )

.

.

She felt so hollow inside.

Looking at the girl more and the way she spoke and acted as she greeted her, and then said things like,  _"Ah, so this is the 'Sakura' that you're always talking about. It's a great pleasure to meet you, Sakura-san. You really left an impression on Kin all those years ago."_  Hurt her.

She left an impression on Kin, huh?

Apparently, it was only good enough to get a tattoo — it wasn't good enough to make her stay single until they met again.

" _R-really? Haha! I'm glad — she_ _certainly_ _left an impression on me."_ She was surprised that she could even speak, and she was certain that she sounded like a bitch. But it was the best she could muster at the moment, after having her heart crushed.

" _She didn't do anything mean or nasty to you, right?"_

" _Who? Kin? Of course not. She's one of the best things to ever happen to me."_

As she felt herself begin to get sentimental and angry at the situation, she decided that she needed to leave as quickly as possible. She had to get out of that situation before she broke down and caused a scene.

If not for her, then for her sanity.

" _I wish I could stay and talk, but I really need to get to my flight. It was a pleasure meeting you."_ She refused to say her name.  _"It was nice seeing you again after all these years, Kin… Bye."_

.

.

Her seat on the plane was at the very back.

She had gone through the motions of checking-in and waiting, and then boarding the plane with her mind blank. She was scared to think. If she began to think, then her attention would surely go to the crushed (destroyed, obliterated, defeated, broken) feeling in her heart.

Walking there, her head stayed low until she got to the last two seats on the right side of the plan. She was putting her luggage up when she froze.

" _What…"_ She didn't finish her sentence; the shock keeping her from asking just  _why the hell_  was the spiky-haired boy there?

" _Put your stuff away and then we can talk."_ While normally she would be infuriated at him and demand an explanation before she did  _anything_ , she felt that she no longer had the energy for that today, and did as he said.

She put her luggage in the overhead apartment and sat down in her seat, which was right next to him.

.

.

" _I decided to go to Germany and study business. My father suggested it, and after learning that you were going as well, I felt that there was more than enough reason to go. The university is the same one you'll be going to, so we can see each other every day."_

" _You thought I would let you escape that easily?"_

.

.

He easily took notice of her lack of response, and the look in her eyes told him all that he needed to know. Something had happened to do this to her, because at the moment, the usually tough Sakura was vulnerable. If he wanted, he could get her to agree to anything —  _anything_.

.

.

"… _You'll be living with me while we're there."_

" _Okay."_

" _You'll later marry me."_

" _Okay."_

" _You'll bear all my children — as many as I want."_

" _Okay."_

" _You'll never leave me."_

" _Okay."_

" _You'll obey my every word and order."_

" _Okay."_

"… _And you'll get rid of that hideous tattoo. A woman of the Uchiha Family would never scar her body like that."_

_._

_._

" _Okay."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep. That's it. Not as few words as I had wanted it to be, and with some moments that do play with your suspension of disbelief, but I think it's a perfect epilogue. I hope I was able to capture the feeling of wanting something so badly but unable to reach it, because there are other things in the way. In all honesty, this chapter has to be my favorite in the entire _Sexuality_ series, as it's a rather emotional and turbulent piece.
> 
> For clarification purposes, Kin and Yayuki (Kin's girlfriend, whose name is not said in full) are in a poly-amorous relationship, but Sakura is very monogamous when it comes to Kin, which Kin knew... but they both wanted to indulge in each other, even if for a little while. 
> 
> What did you think? I'd love to hear it—and! If you like this Sakura, you should check out my other _Naruto_ works that have some variation of a more independent Sakura, especially _Internship_ ; it has a similar writing style to what I used here, will be over twice as long as this story, epilogue included, and is even more angst! Plus, it's totally new! For a more... cold-hearted Sakura, see _Betrayal_.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this story—thanks for reading!


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